The 500 Challenge
by St Pangolin
Summary: Welcome to my writing challenge! Over the next 500 days (that I' m available on), I will be attempting to upload a new 500 word story each day. Rated T just in case, suggestions and criticism welcome. Bear in mind, some of these might be rewritten versions of stories by people I know, and there will most likely be some gaps in the writing. Enjoy! BY ONE OF ACCOUNT'S OTHER AUTHORS
1. Chapter 1

Finding yourself between two men who are at odds with each other is complicated at the best of times, but when one is eight and the other is thirty-two it's ridiculous. You know when you're little, you probably have a toy which you absolutely love? Like your favourite teddy bear or a blanket? And then one day you go to look for it, but it isn't there? Well, that's how I felt about any dignity I had on that train.

I'm coming home from work. It's a long journey, so I see a lot of people come and go. But none like these two. Little boy with his mum, coming home from a pantomime, boards the train, sits down next to me, looks at the bloke on my left and realizes he has found an enemy. This isn't a normal thing, right?

But they don't know the meaning of normal. Kid starts coughing, trying to get the bloke's attention. Bloke tries ignoring him, stares out of the window at Loth's Academy, reads a brochure for Canterbury Zoo but this kid is very persistent. Until, in a very loud voice, "I think your beard is stupid."

Silence.

"Well, kid, I think you're stupid too." He smiles to himself, thinking this is over. But it really isn't.

"And why are you so short? People who're short are stupid, and I know that because you are short and have a stupid, stupid beard."

He's got guts.

"That's a bit rich, coming from you. You're still in primary school!"

"I bet you're so stupid because you never even went to primary school."

"And you've never been to secondary school."

"I'm still cleverer than you even though I've never been to secondary school."

"And the way you're talking you never will."

"But I don't need to."

"That statement disproves itself."

"That's stupid. It doesn't even make sense and it never will because you're so stupid you'll never go to secondary school."

By this point, we're no longer trying to stop them. When two people are stood up and screaming at each other you don't interrupt them. They stop when they stop, and anyone who forgets that will be in hospital for a lengthy stay. So we stay and watch them hurl abuse back and forth, getting more and more angry and baffling.

But, it can't last. You can hurl abuse all you like and it won't do any good. So now the two are, I'm amazed to say, wrestling. A fully grown man against an eight-year-old. More evenly matched than it might seem. The man's bigger and stronger, but the kid's quicker and lighter. But with people taking sides, there's only one option when a fight breaks out on a train.

"Prepare to depart at the next platform."


	2. Chapter 2

Fluffy Adorable-Bunnykins looked at his watch. Just three more minutes and the summer holidays would begin. He had so many plans. Visits to the beach, barbecues, golf, getting that swimming pool put in his garden, even a trip to France with his wife. But first, he had to force his students to learn English and remember it. He wasn't optimistic about it. He wasn't optimistic about anything since he'd become a teacher. Teaching this lot to write short stories was like talking to a brick wall. He might as well teach a plane to tap-dance. It would be a lot easier.

"So, can anyone tell me any of the rules for good story writing," he droned as a plane tap-danced past the window. It wasn't really a question, because he knew he wouldn't get the correct answer from anyone.

"How should I know? You're the one teaching us this," Lovely Pussy-Cat replied indignantly. "God, I hate semi-skimmed milk. It tastes like water."

"And thank you, Mr Pussy-Cat for demonstrating the first rule. When writing any short stories, you must always stick to one viewpoint."

"But sir, I said that twenty years ago!" claimed a now bearded Lovely Pussy-Cat, who now supported his wife and three children, soon to be four, with a job in the merchant navy as a Junior Electro Technical Officer.

"Rule two is to always stick to conventional time frames. It's very difficult to keep up. You can't really portray a character's whole life in just 500 words."

Lovely relented, not really having to brain-power to argue with that logic now that he was a ten-year-old again.

Aaaaaw Look-At-The-Lovely-Lambikins, sitting at the back of the class, wrote that rule down in her princess spiral notebook with her special multi-coloured ColourGelPen set to green and underlined it twice.

"Mr Adorable-Bunnykins, that is very clever."

"Thank you, Miss Look-At-The-Lovely-Lambikins for not only that compliment, but also that demonstration of rule three. Every line must advance either the plot or the character development."

"But sir, that was character development. We were being told you were clever."

"Rule four, Miss Look-At-The-Lovely-Lambikins, is to never disagree with what has already been established. It was already established you were wrong and now you're disagreeing. That only creates plot-holes."

"You lying disagreeable pig!" Aaaaaw roared, smashing her chair to pieces and waving it in the air above her head. "I'm going to murder you for being so rude to me!"

"And of course, rule five is that you quite clearly cannot change any character's personality simply to advance the story. It only creates confusion and disorder."

Aaaaaw sat down quietly on her broken chair and wrote that down in her princess spiral notebook in her special multi-coloured ColourGelPen set to pink and underlined it three times.


	3. Chapter 3

Macbeth In 500 Words

It is the 11th Century, and Scotland is at war. They are fighting the Norwegians led by Sweno, the Irish and a group of Scottish rebels from the Hebrides, led by MacDonald and the Thane of Cawdor. Scotland's forces are outnumbered but the bravery of their two generals, Macbeth the Thane of Glamis, and his friend Banquo ensures they win. The King Duncan is so impressed he decides to give Macbeth the title Thane of Cawdor.

Meanwhile, Macbeth and Banquo encounter Three Witches, who tell Macbeth he will be Thane of Cawdor, then King. They go on to tell Banquo his descendants will be Kings but he won't. At this point, the King's messengers, the Thanes of Ross and Angus, arrive and proclaim Macbeth Thane of Cawdor, naming the King's son Malcolm as heir to the throne. Macbeth now becomes jealous, and writes to tell his wife of what has happened. She is excited by the prospect of him becoming King, and calls on demons to make her evil.

Duncan arrives at Macbeth's castle, unaware of the danger he's in. Lady Macbeth convinces Macbeth to murder Duncan and frame the guards. Banquo grows suspicious, and Macbeth hallucinates, believing a dagger is guiding him to Duncan's chambers ("Is this a dagger which I see before me?"). He goes ahead with the deed and Lady Macbeth frames the guards. They are both, however, racked with guilt.

MacDuff, Thane of Fife, discovers the King dead and Macbeth pretends to slay the guards in anger. Prince Malcolm runs away the England and his brother Donalbain escapes to Ireland. The lords suspect them as a result and crown Macbeth, who hires two murderers to kill a suspicious Banquo and his son Fleance. They manage to kill Banquo but Fleance escapes, and Macbeth guilt causes him to see Banquo's ghost at a banquet, prompting him to seek the Witches.

The Witches are told off by Hecate, Goddess of Witchcraft, and tell Macbeth he should beware Macduff, although no man born of woman can harm him, and he will be undefeated until Birnam Wood walks to Dunsinane Hill. Macduff has fled to England to escape Macbeth's rule, so Macbeth kills Macduff's family.

Lady Macbeth sleepwalks, and Malcolm and Macduff get an army from the English King Edward the Confesso, led by Lord Siward. Macbeth fears the army, as most of his men are joining them. The army uses branches from Birnam Wood to disguise their numbers as they walk to Dunsinane Hill. Lady Macbeth commits suicide in guilt, as the army arrives.

Macbeth chooses to stay alive and fight, choosing death over humiliation. He manages to kill Siward's son, but Macduff soon arrives, revealing he was born by a Caesarian, and was not born of woman. Realizing the Witches have lied to him, he fights Macduff, eventually losing. Malcolm congratulates his generals and renames them Earls, preparing for his coronation at Scone.


	4. Chapter 4

Hamlet Prince Of Denmark In 500 Words

Prince Hamlet of Denmark is summoned back home from his school in Germany to Elsinore for his father's funeral, and is disgusted to find his mother Queen Gertrude has married his uncle Claudius, who crowns himself King despite the fact Hamlet was true heir to the throne. Hamlet meets his father Hamlet Sr's ghost who tells him that Claudius turned himself into a snake and poured poison into the King's ear when he was napping to become king. As a result, Hamlet Sr must wander the Earth until his death is avenged. He tells Hamlet Jr to avenge his death but to spare Gertrude, letting heaven decide her fate.

Hamlet pretends to be mad to discover more about the castle's inhabitants, but becomes suspicious of the Ghost, believing it to be a demon, hoping to tempt him into murder. To test this belief, he tells an acting company to perform the play The Murder Of Gonzago with scenes he has added to recreate his father's supposed murder, renaming the play The Mousetrap. The play causes Claudius great distress, proving he is guilty.

Hamlet attempts to confront his mother, but hears the advisor Polonius behind a tapestry, who hid there to protect Gertrude. Hamlet, mistaking Polonius for Claudius, stabs him to death. As a result, Claudius sends Hamlet to England with his friends Risencrantz and Guildenstern, telling the two to tell the English to execute Hamlet. Hamlet discovers this plot, and organizes for Rosencrantz and Guildentstern to be executed instead.

Hamlet's lover Ophelia, Polonius's daughter, is so distressed by what is happening that she goes mad and eventually drowns herself. Her brother Laertes vows to kill Hamlet to avenge his family's deaths, allying himself with Claudius. Hamlet arrives back in Denmark just in time to see Ophelia's grave being dug. The gravediggers discover an old skeleton, belonging to the old court jester Yorick, who died of old age years ago. The sight of the skeleton prompts an existential crisis and soliloquy from Hamlet ("To be or not to be, that is the question").

At a feast, Claudius gives Laertes a poisoned sword and prepares a goblet of poisoned wine. Hamlet and Laertes duel, and when Laertes drops his sword, Hamlet uses it on Laertes, who, as he lies dieing, confesses and tells Hamlet it is poisoned and Hamlet's injuries will kill him. Gertrude proposes a toast to celebrate Hamlet's victory over Laertes, accidentally drinking from the poisoned goblet, dieing soon after. Hamlet finally stabs Claudius with the poisoned sword and forces him to drink the rest of the poisoned wine. Before they die, Hamlet names Prince Fortinbras of Norway as the new King of Denmark and tells his best friend Horatio to explain what has happened at Elsinore, and becomes the tenth person in the play to die. King Fortinbras's first act as King is to order a state funeral for Hamlet.


	5. Chapter 5

Coriolanus in 500 Words

For centuries, Rome has been ruled by kings. However, the last king Tarquin the Proud is so unpopular, the citizens revolt, getting rid of kings. However, the common people, called plebians, are still very unhappy. There is a famine at the time and the city, in particular Caius Martius, has denied them access to the city's emergency supply of grain. Riots break out, and the rioters find two men; Meneius Agrippa, who tries to calm the rioters and Martius who openly claims who believes only those who have served in the military deserve grain. Once the rioters have settled down, they demand more rights and a say in how the city operates. So the city allows them to elect five different counsellors officially known as Tribunes. They include the plebeians Brutus and Sicinius, who hold a grudge against Martius for his reaction to the riots.

War breaks out with the Roman's next-door neighbours, the Volscians, who are led by Tullus Aufidius, Martius's sworn enemy. The Romans are led by Cominius, with Martius as his deputy. A battle ensues, which the Romans win. Meanwhile, Martius unsuccessfully sieges the city of Corioles, but is able to make his way into the city, capturing it and earning the official nickname Coriolanus as a reward for his bravery and tactics from Cominius.

Coriolanus is encouraged by his mother Volumnia to run for consul. The Senate, essentially the government, approve of him completely, but the two Tribunes Brutus and Sicinius absolutely hate him, and cause another riot in opposition to Coriolanus becoming consul. Coriolanus is so angry with this he goes on a rant about how rubbish popular rule is and saying the common folk should never control the rulers, comparing it to letting crow peek at eagles. Brutus and Sicinius use this as evidence to call him a traitor, and banish him from Rome, whilst Coriolanus throws a hissy fit and claims that he banishes Rome from his life.

Coriolanus blames everyone in Rome for his misfortune and sets out to seek revenge. He approaches Antium, where Aufidius is camping with his remaining men, and offers to let Aufidius kill him to spite Rome. The Volscians are so impressed by Corialanus's determination and courage that the two generals make plans to invade Rome on a united front.

Rome panics and sends both Meneius and Cominius to convince him not to attack, but both fail. Whilst the Volscians are camped just outside Rome, Volumnia visits Coriolanus with his wife Virgilia, son and and gentlewoman Valeria and they urge him not to invade Rome. He is again persuaded, and instead of invading Rome offers to make peace between the Romans and the Volscians. He manages to do so, and the army return home, where Coriolanus is hailed as a hero. Aufidius accuses Coriolanus of treachery for going back on his word and refusing to invade Rome, and a small group of Aufidius supporters fight and kill Coriolanus.


	6. Chapter 6

Titus Andronicus In 500 Words

Titus Andronicus is a honourable Roman general, returning home after ten years of war with the Goths. With him, he brings four of his twenty-five sons (the others having died in the war), as well as his prisoners Tamora Queen of the Goths, her three sons and Aaron, a Moor secretly in love with Tamora. Titus kills Tamora's eldest son in honour and memory of the twenty-one sons he lost in battle.

The Roman Emperor has recently died. However, Titus's supporters fail to encourage him to take over, and he backs the Emperor's eldest son Saturnius, offering his only daughter Lavinia to him as a bride. The problem with this is that Lavinia is already promised to and in love with Saturnius's younger brother Bassanius. A hubbub ensues, with Saturnius somehow marrying Tamora, who is now in the perfect position to use Aaron to exact her revenge on Titus for her son's death.

Aaron successfully convinces Tamora's living sons to murder Bassanius to get him out of the way so they can rape Lavinia. The brothers do both, and afterwards cut off Lavinia's hands and tongue so she can't explain what has happened or who has done it. Aaron then forges a letter to Saturnius, now the emperor, that blames two of Titus's remaining sons named Martius and Quintus for the murder of Bassanius and the rape of Lavinia. Saturnius believes this, and openly sentences both Martius and Quintus to death.

Aaron now tricks Titus into believing that Saturnius will pardon his sons if Titus cuts off his own hand and sends it to the palace. Titus, now rapidly descending into madness, does so. Saturnius is, of course, disgusted by the gesture and sends both the hand and Martius and Quintus's heads back. Filled with rage and grief, Titus sends one of his two remaining sons, Lucius to ally the Andronicus family with the Goths and begin to make plans to invade Rome.

Titus is now even more mad than ever, so Tamora and her sons disguise themselves as ghosts representing Revenge, Rape and Murder, and tell Titus that he will have revenge on all those who have wronged him, provided he tells Lucius to call off the attack. Titus orders Lucius to call off the attack and prepare instead a feast to celebrate peace, which he does. Tamora leaves, and Titus murders her two sons.

At the feast the next day, Titus, believing it the honourable thing to do, kills Lavinia for her heinous crime of allowing herself to be raped. Titus then tells Tamora that her sons are dead and baked into the pie she is eating. Titus kills Tamora, Saturnius kills Titus and Lucius kills Saturnius. Lucius is crowned Emperor, Saturnius's body is given a proper burial, Tamora's body is fed to wild animals and Aaron is buried up to his chest to die of thirst or starvation.


	7. Chapter 7

King Lear In 500 Words

King Lear is an ancient British king. He is getting old, and decides to give up his kingdom and divide it between his daughters. However, to gain it, they must declare their love for him. Lear's evil older daughters, Goneril and Regan both give flattering answers and lie about their love for him and gain a third of the kingdom each, but Lear's good younger daughter Cordelia tells her father that she cannot express her love for him. Lear misinterprets her response as a lack of love, flies into a rage and banishes her, giving her share of the kingdom to Goneril and Regan. He also exiles the Duke of Kent for defending her. However, the King of France loves Cordelia and couldn't care less about her dowry, so takes her to France to be married, and Kent manages to disguise himself as a servant in the hope of regaining access to court and protecting the king from Goneril and Regan's neglect.

Meanwhile, the Duke of Gloucester is told by his wicked son Edmund that the good son Edgar is plotting to kill him. Edmund even goes so far to severely injure his own chest as proof Edgar hates him. Gloucester disowns Edgar, who disguises himself as a madman to escape Edmund. There, Edgar finds Kent and Lear. Lear expected to be able to stay with Goneril, but she rejected him, getting him to go to Regan. Regan also rejects him, and both sisters leave him to wander the country homeless. He only has Kent and the Fool (who acts as the story's narrator) for company, and is now slowly going mad.

Gloucester realizes what Goneril and Regan have done and decides to help Lear. However, when Regan and her husband the Duke of Cornwall realize what he is doing, they tear out his eyes and leave him to wander the land, where he meets his son Edgar in disguise, who takes him to Dover. The depressed Duke attempts to commit suicide, but Edgar leads him off an imaginary cliff, and changes his disguise to help him again.

A French army, led by Cordelia and her husband lands in Dover, and Lear, Gloucester and Edgar join them in declaring war on Goneril and Regan. The two sisters, although both married, are now competing for the love of Edmund, as Goneril's husband the Duke of Albany, grows increasingly sympathetic to Lear's cause. Goneril, Regand and Edmund become suspicious and all plot to kill him.

The French army is defeated, and Lear and Cordelia are captured and sentenced to execution by hanging. Edmund and Edgar duel, with Edgar winning, but as Edmund lays dieing, he pardons Cordelia and Lear.. However it is too late for Cordelia, who has already been hanged. Goneril poisons Regan, Regan stabs Goneril to death, both Lear and Gloucester die of broken hearts and Albany, Edgar and Kent are left to take care of the country.


	8. Chapter 8

Anthony And Cleopatra In 500 Words

Julius Caesar is dead and Mark Anthony rules the Roman Empire alongside Caesar's nephew Octavius and the general Lepidus. Anthony is in charge of the westernmost part of the empire and is based in Alexandria in Egypt. He does have a wife back in Rome, but carries on with his passionate love affair with the Egyptian Queen Cleopatra, which distracts his from his duties as ruler.

Anthony receives word from Rome that his wife has died and General Pompey is preparing for a rebellion against Anthony, Octavius and Lepidus's rule. Anthony is summoned back to Rome to fight. Although Cleopatra begs him not to go, he repeatedly reassures her of his undying love and eventually sets off back home.

Back in Rome, Anthony marries again, this time to Octavius's sister Octavia, purely for the political reason of securing the triumvirate. However, when Cleopatra hears of the news of Anthony's marriage, she fails to notice his reason for remarrying and flies into a rage of jealousy. However, this ends when she is reassured of her irresistible charm, wit and beauty. She is now absolutely certain that her lover will return to her.

Anthony, Caesar and Lepidus negotiate a peace deal with Pompey, which he accepts. But after Anthony departs for Athens in order to get back to Egypt and Cleopatra, Caesar breaks the deal and defeats Pompey in battle. He accuses Lepidus of treason, and has him imprisoned. Anthony is infuriated by Caesar's treachery, and returns to Egypt without Octavia to raise an army with Cleopatra to defeat the Roman forces, who are under Caesar's command.

Despite the superiority of Rome's navy and fleet of ships, Anthony decides to fight Caesar at sea. The battles are relatively evenly matched, until one important battle where Cleopatra's ships turn and retreat, followed by Anthony's, leading to Anthony's defeat. He forgives Cleopatra for the humiliation he suffered, of course, asking for only a kiss to make up for their embarrassing defeat.

Caesar writes to Cleopatra, telling her to betray Anthony to him and join his side. She does seem to privately consider this, until Anthony claims he will fight another battle in her honour, impressing her and fully regaining her support.

The ensuing battle begins on land, but soon switches to a naval battle, at which poin, Cleopatra's ships flee again and Anthony's are yet again forced to do the same. Anthony is infuriated and resolves to kill Cleopatra for all the pain and suffering she has yet again caused him. Cleopatra decides that the best way to restore his love for her is to fake her own death and have him send him the news before anyone else hears.

When he hears the news, Anthony attempts suicide, and just about makes it to her before her dies. Cleopatra then commits suicide using several asps, and Caesar declares they shall be buried next to each other.


	9. Chapter 9

Julius Caesar In 500 Words

In Rome, a parade is being held in the streets in honour of the general Julius Caesar and his victorious return home from battle. Two tribunes, Flavius and Murellus, tell the citizens off. Caesar is warned to beware the Ides of March (the Fifteenth of March), but no-one listens, least of all Caesar.

Two of Caesar's closest friends and allies, Brutus and Cassius, are discussing Caesar. They are worried that these parades are increasing his popularity with the common public, who may want to crown him king, which would dispense with the republic. Cassius blames himself and Brutus for allowing Caesar to become so popular.

That night, Cassius hatches a plan to overthrow Caesar, and gains many supporters. In order to convince Brutus to join, Cassius forges several letters from supposedly concerned citizens who are worried about Caesar's growing power. Brutus, how loves the people and safety of Rome more than Caesar, is convinced and joins the plot to lure Caesar from his house and kill him.

At the Senate next morning (on the Ides of March), the murderers surround Caesar and take it in turns to stab him. When he sees his friend Brutus joining in ("Et tu, Brute?"), Caesar dies. Mark Anthony, another of Caesar's friends, has been kept from the Senate that day, and when he hears of Caesar's death swears to avenge it and kill those responsible.

Brutus gives a big public speech, declaring his love for Caesar. He does, however, also reinforce that Caesar had become to popular for his own good, the good of the Republic, and the liberty of the people. He claims that Caesar's only motivation was ambition. Anthony arrives and reads Caesar's will out to the people. The will bequeaths money to all the people of Rome, and declares Caesar's private gardens public. The crowd is enraged at the murderers and Brutus and Cassius are forced to run away from the city.

Anthony makes an alliance with General Lepidus and Caesar's adopted son and appointed successor Octavius, and the three prepare to do battle with Butu and Cassius, who are raising an army outside the city. The ghost of Caesar appears to Brutus, who is racked with guilt, to tell him that they will meet again on the battlefield.

After the battle, Cassius is told that they have lost and his best friend Titinius is dead. This is not true, but Cassius does not realize and orders one of his men to stab him to death. When Titinius realizes what has happened and comes across Cassius's corpse, he is so upset that he kills himself. Now with two allies dead and defeat imminent, Brutus admits his wrongdoing and I pales himself on his own sword. Anthony tells the people that Brutus was in fact honourable and acting in the way he thought was best for the people, and declares that Brutus will have a dignified burial.


	10. Chapter 10

Romeo And Juliet In 500 Words

In Verona, there are two noble families; the Montagues and the Capulets. Centuries ago, a member of one family wronged a member of the other, and since, the families have hated each other. The hatred is so bad that the Prince Escalus, finally fed up, declares any fighting between the two families is illegal, and punishable by exile.

Romeo is a Montague and lovesick after the Rosaline, but his love goes completely unrequited. His friend Mercutio and his cousin try to cheer him up, by inviting him to gatecrash a party held by the Capulets that night. Meanwhile, the rich Paris is asking Lord Capulet if he can marry his daughter, Juliet Capulet. Lord Capulet agrees, on the condition that they wait two years first, as Juliet is still only thirteen.

Romeo crashes the party, and sees Juliet across the room, falling in love with her at first sight and immediately forgetting all about Rosaline. Romeo, Mercutio and the cousin are recognized as Montagues and thrown out, but not before Juliet falls in love with Romeo and they meet and do a bit of kissing and canoodling and all that.

When they realize who they've fallen in love with, they're both extremely upset, and ask themselves why they couldn't have fallen in love with someone else. Whilst he is leaving the estate, Romeo passes by a balcony which Juliet is sitting on talking about him, and the two express their love for one another. Bear in mind that one's thirteen an the other's anywhere between eighteen and twenty-five.

Romeo secretly tells his friend Friar Lawrence what is going on, and Lawrence agrees to marry the two the following day.

Juliet's cousin Tybalt challenges Romeo to a duel for crashing the feast, but Romeo, who is the only one who knows they are related, refuses. Mercutio takes up the duel instead. Romeo tries to stop the two fighting, but Tybalt eventually manages to stab and kill Mercutio. Romeo is furious and fights and kills Tybalt, being fleeing, now an outlaw for causing violence between the families and murdering.

Romeo is unsure whether to be more upset about Tybalt's death or Romeo's exile, and is even more upset to hear that her father has plans for her to marry Paris in three days. Unsure what to do, she asks Friar Lawrence for advice, who gives her a potion and tells her to take it the night before her wedding to Paris. The potion will make her appear dead, and when she is put in the Capulet crypt, Friar Lawrence will revive her and she will be free to join Romeo in Mantua.

Friar Lawrence writes a letter to Romeo explaining, but the plague stops the messenger. He returns to Verona and poisons himself in the Capulet crypt. When Juliet realizes, she stabs herself and their two families are united by their suicides to be with each other.


	11. Chapter 11

Timon Of Athens In 500 Words

Timon of Athens is a wealthy citizen of, surprise, surprise, Athens. He is very generous and is constantly donating his money and possessions to anyone who flatters him. He bails his friend Ventidius out of jail, supports artists such as painters and poets who ask for support, buys paintings and jewels and ownership of poems, all without expecting anything in return. He derives nothing but pure and utter joy from helping others and receiving their companionship and love for him. Those who he helps out are initially amazed as to his wealth and willingness to give, believing he has magical money powers, but soon learn to take advantage of his kindness.

Timon throws a feast, and a huge crowd gathers, all wanting something from Timon. The exception to this is the philosopher Apemantus, a citizen who is a great misanthrope and has basically come just to sneer at everything. Flavius, Timon's servant, seems to be the only kind person there, and is the only one worried that at some point Timon will have given everything away. Eventually, that day does come, and the who Timon owes money start getting impatient with him.

Timon asks his supposed friends for help in paying his debts, but no-one comes to assist him. Timon asks Flavius why he didn't warn him, before, but Flavius replies that he did attempt to do so on many occasions but Timon just wouldn't listen and that all Timon's supposed friends will leave once they learn of his predicament. Disgusted that they have been so greedy and shallow and false, Timon invites all his debtors to another feast. But when everyone sits down to eat, the dishes are lifted to reveal stones and boiling water. Timon curses them all, denounces society and goes to become a hermit in a cave just outside the city.

Whilst scavenging for food, Timon finds a massive heap of gold. He buries most, but keeps some. News soon spreads of his discovery, and several people visit. Alcibiades is a general and hates the Athenians for executing his friend for kill a man in fury. Alcibiades, who was once friends with Timon, explains that he needs money to raise an army to invade Athens, and Timon agrees to give him most of the gold. Flavius meanwhile, visits to give Timon the last of his money. Timon realizes that Flavius has been faithful all along, but laments the fact that Flavius is just a servant. Apemantus visits to sneer, and accuses Timon of copying his negative attitude. Two Athenian senators visit and beg Timon to rejoin Athenian society, and more importantly, to call of Alcibiades's attack. Timon, however, refuses, cursing both senators and sending them away.

The Athenian government are able to make peace with Alcibiades and he calls of the attack, but at that moment, news arrives that Timon has died alone in his cave, hating mankind right up until his miserable death.


	12. Chapter 12

Othello In 500 Words

Roderigo is a wealthy gentleman and complains to Iago, a soldier, that he had not be told about his lover Desdemona's marriage to the Moorish general to the Venetians, Othello. Iago also hates Othello for not promoting him but instead promoting the young and inexperienced Cassio. Iago makes a plan, whereby Roderigo tells Desdemona's father Brabantio of her elopement and Iago warns Othello. Brabantio is enraged but cannot harm Othello, so goes with him to Cyprus to advise the king on how to stop the Turks from invading. The two's love for each other is proved but Brabantio is still suspicious, warning Othello that Desdemona has deceived her father and may deceive her husband. Iago takes note of this.

At a party, Iago gets Cassio drunk and convinces him to duel with Roderigo. Othello's retired predecessor Montano is injured in the fight, and Othello blames Cassio, demoting him. Iago convinces Cassio to hassle Desdemona to get his job back. Othello, now suspicious of Cassio and Desdemona, promotes Iago.

Meanwhile, Desdemona drops her handkerchief, Othello's first present to her. Iago's wife, Desdemona's maid Emilia finds it and gives it to Iago. Iago manages to plant it in Cassio's lodgings, and shows Othello. Iago also convinces Cassio to talk of his lover Bianca, only they whisper Bianca's name so quietly that Othello, who is watching, thinks they are talking about Desdemona. Finally, Cassio gives Bianca the handkerchief and she accuses him of giving her a second-hand gift from another lover. Iago convinces Othello that this other lover was Desdemona.

Othello vows to kill his wife and instructs Iago to kill Cassio. Roderigo is upset that despite the money and effort he has put into the plot, Iago's plan has not yielded any results. Iago however convinces him to kill Cassio.

As Cassio leaves Bianca's house, Roderigo attacks him, but gets seriously injured. Iago joins in, concealing his identity, ad stabbing Cassio in the leg. Othello's two friends Gratiano and Lodovico are drawn by Cassio's screams and Iago blends in with them. Cassio identifies Roderigo as one of his attackers, but Iago stabs Roderigo to stop him from blabbing. Iago then accuses Bianca of orchestrating the attack on Cassio.

Othello confronts Desdemona, eventually smothering her with her pillow. Emilia enters and calls for help, and is soon joined by Montano, Gratiani and Iago. When Othello mentions the handkerchief as supposed proof of Desdemona's adultery, Emilia realizes what Iago has done and exposes him. He responds by stabbing her fatally. Othello then stabs Iago fatally, saying he would want Iago to live the rest of his life in pain. Iago refuses to reveal his motives for what he has done, vowing to remain silent. Both he and Othello are arrested by Lodovico for the murders they caused, but Othello commits suicide. Lodovico appoints Cassio as Othello's successor, and tells him to punish Iago justly.


	13. Chapter 13

King John In 500 Words

King John of England receives a message from King Philip Of France, saying that John must give up the throne and let his nephew Arthur, the rightful heir to the throne, become king, or else risk war with France. John, of course, refuses.

John is also asked to settle a dispute between two brothers. The youngest, called Philip but referred to as the Bastard, is the illegitimate son of and looks very similar to John's dead older brother King Richard I. The King's mother, Elinor, convinces the Bastard to give up the dispute with his brother and except knighthood instead.

King Philip and the French army begin their invasion of England and take the village of Angiers. King John and his forces arrive, and ask the townspeople who they think should rule the town. The townspeople, of course are terrified of choosing, in case they upset the other, and refuse to answer. The Bastard however suggests an alternative, which is that the English and French forces nuts to invade the town. This is, of course, quite obviously problematic and the townspeople themselves suggest an alternative, which is that Philip's son Louis marries John's niece Blanche to achieve peace. Everyone agrees and Blanche and Louis are married.

Pandulph, an unfortunately named ambassador of the Pope, arrives with orders that John should be excommunicated for not obeying the Pope's orders. He then commands Louis to overthrow John and forces Philip to join his son, even though John, Louis and Philip are now family.

War breaks out. The English forces capture Arthur, and John sends the Bastard to take all the monastery's money to fund the war. John puts his chamberlain Hubert in charge of looking after Arthur, and tells him to kill Arthur. Hubert, however, simply doesn't have the courage/lack of morality and John, and cannot go ahead with the murder, allowing Arthur to escape. Arthur, however, promptly goes and falls off a cliff. John's noblemen all believe that John had Arthur killed, which is technically true, and they too find themselves lacking the courage/lack of morality to support John, switching sides to Louis. John, now substantially weakened, says sorry to the Pope and swears allegiance to him, asking Pandulph to negotiate peace with the French on his behalf.

Meanwhile, the Bastard returns with more money and English soldiers for John, and despite Pandulph's best efforts the war continues, with both sides suffering greatly. Most of Louis's noblemen learn that their leader is planning to have them executed after the war ends, so they end up returning to John's side.

John is, of all things, poisoned by a monk and ends up dieing. Just as the Bastard is about to launch another attack on Louis, news arrives that Pandulph has negotiated peace with the French. The Bastard and all the noblemen swear allegiance to John's son, who is to become King Henry III.


	14. Chapter 14

Richard II In 500 Words

Richard II is a very rich but inexperienced and young king who spends lots of money on the latest fashions and stupid friends, whom he completely and rather foolishly relies on as advisors. He raises taxes to support unnecessary wars and knows completely nothing about his public, preffering the company of his incredible wealth and power to actual people.

Two noblemen are having an argument and ask the king for advice; Henry Bolingbroke, who is Richard's cousin and the Duke of Lancaster's son and Thomas Mowbray, Duke Of Norfolk. Bolingbroke has accused Mowbray of misusing funds given to him by the king for military purposes, and instead using them to order the death of Bolingbroke's uncle the Duke of Gloucester, which was actually ordered by the king. Bolingbroke's father, John of Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster has convinced his son that this is the case, hating Mowbray for supposedly killing Gloucester.

With the quarrel ongoing, the two challenge each other to a duel, despite all John of Gaunt's protestations. The duel is very formal with a ceremonial introduction, but Richard intervenes just before it begins and declares that Bolingbroke shall be banished from England for ten years; although he changes this to six when he sees John of Gaunt despair at the original suggestion. He also claims that Mowbray shall be exiled for the remainder of his life. His lack of explanation as to his reasoning causes suspicion, with several noblemen now certain Richard ordered Gloucester's murder, and Mowbray, who now holds now power at all in England, predicts that this action will lead to his defeat by Bolingbroke.

Despite Richard's final decision, John of Gaunt is so upset at his son's exile and his brother's death that he dies of despair. Richard promptly steals all of John's money and land in order to launch a war on Ireland for absolutely no reason. On hearing this news, Bolingbroke plans to assemble an army, return to England and overthrow Richard, who has left for Ireland by now. He is supported by many of Richard's nobles, who are all fed up by Richard's selfish spending and bad governing.

The actual invasion and war that follows is relatively simple, with Bolingbroke taking over England with no resistance and no battles. Boolingbroke's supporters capture Richard in Wales and return with him to London, where Bolingbroke has declared himself Henry IV. He imprisons Richard in a remote area of Northern England and orders the execution of nearly all of Richard's followers. The Duke of Aumerle, cousin to both Richard and Henry, plots to poison Henry buts fails. The Duke of Exton, acting on a vague suggestion from the new king, goes North and kills the imprisoned Richard. A disgraced Henry publicly denounced the murder, exiles Exton and plans a trip to Jerusalem to cleanse himself of any indirect involvement he might have had in Richard's murder.


	15. Chapter 15

Henry IV Part I In 500 Words

The play starts with King Henry IV wanting to go on a Crusade to recapture the Holy Land, but unable to because of civil unrest and rebellion in his kingdom. Henry is annoyed because of the actions of his supporter, Hotspur, who is son of Henry Percy, Earl of Northumberland. Hotspur is refusing to turn over Scottish rebels recently caught at the Battle of Holmedon, just to spite Henry for not paying the ransom for Edmund Mortimer, Hotspur's brother-in-law, who has been caught by the followers of the Welsh rebel Owain Glyndwr. This is even worse than it may otherwise be because the Percys were great supporters of the king when he took over from Richard II (see last chapter) so they are really owed a big favour. Henry, when asked by Hotspur again, still refuses to pay the ransom, which forces the Percy to make the decision to all themselves with the Welsh and Scottish rebels in their quest to dethrone Henry.

Meanwhile, the king's son, Prince Henry, nicknamed Hal, has also been rather rebellious, spending most of his time with drunks, thieves and in particular the infamous Sir John Falstaff, an old and obese thief and liar, who is, on the other hand, actually rather witty and intent on living life to its fullest potential. Hal realizes that one day he will need to change his ways, take responsibility and start acting more royally. Unfortunately for him, the time comes sooner rather than later when he recieves instructions from his father to return to the palace and prepare for an imminent civil war. Given a position of high command, Hal promises everyone that he will change and claims he will personally defeat Hotspur in battle to show his sincerity. Hal asks Falstaff to assemble his own group of soldiers and join the fight. All the soldiers Falstaff recruits are, of course, drunk, rebellious and unfit.

A huge battle ensues at Shrewsbury, without Henry Percy, who pretends to have fallen ill in order to avoid losing the battle himself. Prince Hal saves his father from the attacking Earl of Douglas. Douglas then moves on to attack Falstaff, who trips up and pretends to be dead to escape Douglas. Hal, who has been looking for Douglas, fights and kills Hotspur, at which point Falstaff 'miraculously' reawakens from his pretend death. He sees Hotspur's corpse and impales it with his sword, loudly claims credit for killing him. Hal sees this but for some unknown reason does not object at all.

Thanks to Hal's, supposedly Falstaff's, heroics, the King is victorious over all of his many enemies. He orders the execution of most of the Percy family, but for some reason shows mercy on Douglas, releasing him and letting him go back to Scotland. The battle is over but the war continues, with many still wishing to see Henry dethroned, such as Owain Glyndwr, Henry Percy and Douglas.


	16. Chapter 16

Henry IV Part II In 500 Words

The play opens where Part I left off, with England in civil war. The King's forces have won the Battle of Shrewsbury, but many wish to see Henry dethroned, such as the Archbishop of York, the Earl of Douglas, the Earl of Northumberland and even Thomas Mowbray, back from when Henry took the throne from Richard II. Tired and old, the king becomes ill. Prince Hal feels partly responsible for his father's illness, believing he caused his father great stress by goofing around.

Falstaff, still taking credit for killing Hotspur in battle, has been promoted to captain, but is as pompous and arrogant as ever. Wanting to keep Hal and Falstaff away from each other, the king sends Falstaff away with Hal's younger brother Prince John, to fight the forces of Northumberland and York. Falstaff, along the way has several misadventures, getting in and out of trouble and absurd situations, stopping in taverns, inns and brothels in order to recruit men for the king's army.

Northumberland backs out and abandons the rebellion yet again, leaving the forces of York, Hastings and Mowbray defenseless and outnumbered by the king's troops. Word arrives in the rebel camp in Yorkshire that John's forces are surrounding them and he has been authorized by the king to broker peace between the two armies. John, when he has arrived, allows the rebels to go free and tells them to dismiss their army. However, once the army is dispersed, John goes back on his word and has the rebels arrested and executed.

Hearing the news of his success, the king actually becomes even more ill, and most people believe that he won't last long. Prince Hal comes to his father's side and thinks he is dead. Believing he is now king, takes the crown off his father's head and puts it on his own. The king is woken by this and sees his son wearing the king's crown even though he is still only a Prince. He expresses his disappointment in his son, at which point the prince breaks down apologizes, and promises to be a good king when the time comes. King Henry obviously thinks the time is now, forgiving his son before dying peacefully.

Prince Hal is crowned King Henry V and assures his family, friends and followers that he has decided to be a better man in future and will be a great, strong, wise and noble king. Word of the king's death reaches Falstaff who is overjoyed, presuming that his mate Hal will grant him power and wealth. However, the exact opposite happens, with the new King Henry banishing Falstaff and all his friend, not allowing them to be within 10 miles of the king. Hal does, however, offer them an income to stop them reverting to their old criminal ways.

The king leaves to consult with parliament on what may become war in France.


	17. Chapter 17

Henry V In 500 Words

The young Henry V is newly crowned and rules over an England dispirited and exhausted by several years of violent civil wars under Henry's father, Henry IV. Also, Henry's trustworthiness is quite doubtful, due to his troubled youth, misspent carousing with several drunks and criminals, including the infamous Falstaff, a rather greedy but nonetheless charismatic drunkard.

Urged on by the Archbishops of Canterbury and Ely, Henry, claims that Frnace belongs to England, which is pretty much a full-on declaration of war. And unsurprisingly, the French King scoffs at such a suggestion, and sends his ambassador to Henry with a box of tennis balls in response, suggesting a game of tennis might be more to the king's liking. Humiliated and enraged, Henry begins to plan his attack on France. Henry's old carousing partners and veterans of the recent civil war, Bardolph, Pistol and Nim, hear news of Henry's plans and prepare to join Henry's troops depart for the war in France. Before they leave, they mourn the recent death of Falstaff.

On his way to France, Henry discovers an assassination plot ordered by the French King, involving three of his best noblemen. Henry however, shows no mercy, having the three executed to send a message that nobody in his army is above the law. Once in France, Henry and his troops are victorious in several battles, due to the hard work of the soldiers and the rousing speeches made by Henry in the various towns they catch along the way. Nim and Bardolph are both arrested and executed by hanging for stealing from a church. The night before the vital battle of Agincourt, Henry disguises himself as a common soldier and mingles with the English troops, trying to raise their spirits. He does hear from one particular soldier that he believes that the fighting will be left to the ordinary soldiers, whilst the King will be presiding from the back of the army on a fast horse, ready for a getaway in case anything goes at all awry. But Henry leads the charge, thanks to a lovely speech ("By God for England, Harry and Saint George!") the French are defeated, despite outnumbering the English five to one. The French, utterly devastated, soon surrender, and the soldier Henry spoke to is rewarded by Henry for his honesty.

In the negotiations for peace, Henry allows the French king to stay on the throne, provided Henry marries the King's daughter Princess Katharine, and that their son shall rule both countries when both rulers are dead, to which the French king agrees. Henry speaks no French and Katharine speaks no English so their first meeting is rather interesting, if somewhat confusing, to say the least. However, both Henry and Katharine learn to speak each other's languages and fall in love with each. The play ends with both England and France celebrating the birth of their child, the future king Henry VI.


	18. Chapter 18

Henry VI Part I In 500 Words

The well-beloved English King Henry V has just died, whilst his son by French princess Katharine, Henry, the rightful heir to the throne, is still a child and somewhat unprepared for kingship. So at Henry V's funeral, his brothers, the Duke of Bedford and Gloucester, and Henry V's uncle, the Duke of Exeter, agree to form a council to rule for Henry during these rather uncertain times, while the newly crowned Henry VI is taught how to be a good king.

Word comes that there is rebellion in France, led by the Dauphin Charles, and it is gaining momentum in regions that Henry V recaptured. The English send soldiers to deal with the threat, but England's fiercest warrior, the terrifying Lord Talbot has been captured during the Siege of Orléans. Bedford heads to France to become the English troops's new leader.

Dauphin Charles is introduced to the peasant girl Joan la Pucelle, more commonly known as Joan of Arc, who claims to have had visions of how the French can defeat the English. A suspicious Charles promptly challenges her to a fencing match, which she soon wins. Charles, assured of her claims, puts her in charge of the French army. However, Bedford arrives, and whilst negotiating for peace, the troops attack and recapture Orléans whilst the French retreat.

A quarrel between the Duke of Somerset and Richard Plantagenet is escalating. The each pick a rose as a mascot, Plantaganet's white and Somerset's red and ask noblemen to pick sides. Mortimer, Plantagenet's uncle, is imprisoned in the Tower of London, and whilst Plantagenet is visiting tells his nephew that their family has a claim to the throne, but when Plantagenet's father attempted to claim it, he was executed. Mortimer dies, and Plantagenet decides to take the throne, before he is given both his father's and uncle's titles by Henry, becoming the Duke of York.

The English general Burgundy switches allegiance to Charles, and Talbot promises Henry he will personally make Burgundy change his mind. Henry is asked to pick York or Somerset, but urges peace, absentmindedly picking a red rose, showing allegiance to Somerset. York says nothing. York and Somerest are so engrossed in their feud, they refuse to assist Talbot, and the French defeat the English, killing Talbot and his son. York and Somerset now unite, capturing Joan of Arc before accusing her of heresy and executing her by being burnt at the stake, whilst the Duke of Suffolk plans to marry Henry and the French noblewoman Margaret who Suffolk captured, hopefully letting him manipulate the king.

Henry is urged by the Pope to end the war and make peace. Charles agrees to terms take make him a viceroy under Henry's rule, although he still hopes to recapture the French lands caught by Henry's father. Henry marries Margaret, despite Gloucester's protests to this, urging Henry to marry someone else.


	19. Chapter 19

Henry VI Part I In 500 Words

The well-beloved English King Henry V has just died, whilst his son by French princess Katharine, Henry, the rightful heir to the throne, is still a child and somewhat unprepared for kingship. So at Henry V's funeral, his brothers, the Duke of Bedford and Gloucester, and Henry V's uncle, the Duke of Exeter, agree to form a council to rule for Henry during these rather uncertain times, while the newly crowned Henry VI is taught how to be a good king.

Word comes that there is rebellion in France, led by the Dauphin Charles, and it is gaining momentum in regions that Henry V recaptured. The English send soldiers to deal with the threat, but England's fiercest warrior, the terrifying Lord Talbot has been captured during the Siege of Orléans. Bedford heads to France to become the English troops's new leader.

Dauphin Charles is introduced to the peasant girl Joan la Pucelle, more commonly known as Joan of Arc, who claims to have had visions of how the French can defeat the English. A suspicious Charles promptly challenges her to a fencing match, which she soon wins. Charles, assured of her claims, puts her in charge of the French army. However, Bedford arrives, and whilst negotiating for peace, the troops attack and recapture Orléans whilst the French retreat.

A quarrel between the Duke of Somerset and Richard Plantagenet is escalating. The each pick a rose as a mascot, Plantaganet's white and Somerset's red and ask noblemen to pick sides. Mortimer, Plantagenet's uncle, is imprisoned in the Tower of London, and whilst Plantagenet is visiting tells his nephew that their family has a claim to the throne, but when Plantagenet's father attempted to claim it, he was executed. Mortimer dies, and Plantagenet decides to take the throne, before he is given both his father's and uncle's titles by Henry, becoming the Duke of York.

The English general Burgundy switches allegiance to Charles, and Talbot promises Henry he will personally make Burgundy change his mind. Henry is asked to pick York or Somerset, but urges peace, absentmindedly picking a red rose, showing allegiance to Somerset. York says nothing. York and Somerest are so engrossed in their feud, they refuse to assist Talbot, and the French defeat the English, killing Talbot and his son. York and Somerset now unite, capturing Joan of Arc before accusing her of heresy and executing her by being burnt at the stake, whilst the Duke of Suffolk plans to marry Henry and the French noblewoman Margaret who Suffolk captured, hopefully letting him manipulate the king.

Henry is urged by the Pope to end the war and make peace. Charles agrees to terms take make him a viceroy under Henry's rule, although he still hopes to recapture the French lands caught by Henry's father. Henry marries Margaret, despite Gloucester's protests to this, urging Henry to marry someone else.


	20. Chapter 20

Henry VI Part I In 500 Words

The well-beloved English King Henry V has just died, whilst his son by French princess Katharine, Henry, the rightful heir to the throne, is still a child and somewhat unprepared for kingship. So at Henry V's funeral, his brothers, the Duke of Bedford and Gloucester, and Henry V's uncle, the Duke of Exeter, agree to form a council to rule for Henry during these rather uncertain times, while the newly crowned Henry VI is taught how to be a good king.

Word comes that there is rebellion in France, led by the Dauphin Charles, and it is gaining momentum in regions that Henry V recaptured. The English send soldiers to deal with the threat, but England's fiercest warrior, the terrifying Lord Talbot has been captured during the Siege of Orléans. Bedford heads to France to become the English troops's new leader.

Dauphin Charles is introduced to the peasant girl Joan la Pucelle, more commonly known as Joan of Arc, who claims to have had visions of how the French can defeat the English. A suspicious Charles promptly challenges her to a fencing match, which she soon wins. Charles, assured of her claims, puts her in charge of the French army. However, Bedford arrives, and whilst negotiating for peace, the troops attack and recapture Orléans whilst the French retreat.

A quarrel between the Duke of Somerset and Richard Plantagenet is escalating. The each pick a rose as a mascot, Plantaganet's white and Somerset's red and ask noblemen to pick sides. Mortimer, Plantagenet's uncle, is imprisoned in the Tower of London, and whilst Plantagenet is visiting tells his nephew that their family has a claim to the throne, but when Plantagenet's father attempted to claim it, he was executed. Mortimer dies, and Plantagenet decides to take the throne, before he is given both his father's and uncle's titles by Henry, becoming the Duke of York.

The English general Burgundy switches allegiance to Charles, and Talbot promises Henry he will personally make Burgundy change his mind. Henry is asked to pick York or Somerset, but urges peace, absentmindedly picking a red rose, showing allegiance to Somerset. York says nothing. York and Somerest are so engrossed in their feud, they refuse to assist Talbot, and the French defeat the English, killing Talbot and his son. York and Somerset now unite, capturing Joan of Arc before accusing her of heresy and executing her by being burnt at the stake, whilst the Duke of Suffolk plans to marry Henry and the French noblewoman Margaret who Suffolk captured, hopefully letting him manipulate the king.

Henry is urged by the Pope to end the war and make peace. Charles agrees to terms take make him a viceroy under Henry's rule, although he still hopes to recapture the French lands caught by Henry's father. Henry marries Margaret, despite Gloucester's protests to this, urging Henry to marry someone else.


	21. Chapter 21

Henry VI Part II In 500 Words

The English king has married the French princess Margaret of Anjou. However, Margaret is the protégée of the Duke of Suffolk, who she is in love with. Suffolk discovered this when he captured Margaret and encouraged the king to marry her so he could influence the king without anyone knowing. However, the problem is Henry's uncle, the very popular Duke of Gloucester, Lord Protector and one of Henry's most trusted advisors. Unfortunately for Gloucester, his wife wants the throne and she is encouraged by Suffolk to dabble in necromancy. She does so, summoning Asmath, and demanding it tells her the future. But Asmath's prophecies are vague and she is interrupted, arrested and banished before it is done. So Suffolk conspires with the Duke of Somerset and Cardinal Beaufort to accuse Gloucester of treason. Gloucester is imprisoned, but before he is executed Suffolk sends two assassins to kill him. Meanwhile, Richard Duke of York reveals that he has a claim to the throne to his fellow nobles, the earls of Salisbury and Warwick, who swear allegiance to him over the king.

Suffolk is banished for his role in Gloucester's death, whilst Cardinal Beaufort catches a fever and dies whilst cursing God. Margaret is horrified by Suffolk's banishment, and vows his return. However, Suffolk is caught and killed by pirates as he leaves England, and his head sent back to Margaret. France is lost to the French. York is appointed head of an army told to end a rebellion in Ireland, but first he gets a commoner called Jack Cade to start a rebellion in London to see if he should make an open attack on Henry. Jack's army is at first successful, and Jack becomes Mayor of London, but Lord Clifford, a supporter of Henry convinces the army to stand down. Jack escapes and is killed by the Kentish gentleman Alexander Iden when he climbs into Iden's garden looking for food.

York returns to England, the army dedicated to his cause, claiming he wishes to protect King Henry from the supposedly deceitful Somerset, promising to disband his forces if Somerset is arrested and charged with treason. The Duke of Buckingham vows that Somerset is already imprisoned in the Tower of London, but when Somerset enters with Margaret, York accuses Buckingham of treason and announces his claim to the throne, supported by his sons, Edward and Richard. The English noblemen begin to choose sides, some choosing Richard's Yorkists, some choosing the King's Lancastrians. The battle of St Albans is fought with Richard killing Somerset, and York killing Clifford. These two victories ensure temporary victory for the Yorkists. Margaret persuades Henry to flee and return to London, and they are joined by Clifford's son Young Clifford, who vows revenge on the Yorkists for his father's death. The play ends with York, Edward, Richard, Warwick and Somerset setting out to seek Henry, Margaret and Young Clifford.


	22. Chapter 22

Henry VI Part III In 500 Words

Richard Duke Of York has just declared himself King of England, forcing the real ruler of England, King Henry, to run away. York and his followers are in the throne room of the palace when Henry and his followers enter. York again reassures Henry of his claim to the then, and Hen, being the weak leader he is, attempts to make a deal with York; Henry will rule until his death, at which point York and his descendants will take the throne. York agrees to this and both he and his followers leave, leaving Henry's followers shocked at the rightful king's submission. Margaret is actually so disgusted by Henry's actions and willingness to disinherit his own son Edward that she leaves him in order to defeat York herself.

Margaret soon raises an army and launches an attack on York, which, after a while, becomes the Battle of Wakefield. The Yorkists, stunned and completely unprepared, are defeated, and York's youngest son Edmund is killed by Lord Clifford, Clifford's revenge for his father's recent death at the Battle of St Albans. Clifford and Margaret then capture and torture York, eventually stabbing him to death.

Edward and Richard receive news of their father's death and are devastated, but determined to continue their father's fight. The tide turns yet again at the Battle of Towton, with Edward's forces victorious, eventually killing Clifford as revenge for their father's death. Henry runs away to Scotland, whilst Margaret runs away to France. Edward is crowned King Edward IV, and titles are awarded to brothers Richard and George. However, the hunchbacked Richard is not satisfied, secretly hoping to ascend the throne someday. Henry is captured and imprisoned.

Margaret asks King Louis XI of France for help restoring Henry, whilst Warwick asks Louis to let Edward marry Louis's sister-in-law ensuring peace between the two countries. He does, however, switch sides when Edward marries the beautiful widow Lady Elizabeth Grey, even offering his own daughter as a wife to Henry's son and leading French troops against Edward. George, also disappointed with his brother's marriage, soon follows suit.

Edward is taken prisoner, and Henry becomes king again, appointing George and Warwick as Lord Protectors. Edward is, however, soon rescued from captivity by his followers, including his son.

At the Battle of Barnet, George switches sides again, Warwick is killed, and Henry is yet again captured and imprisoned in the Tower of London. Edward's forces are victorious at the Battle of Tewkesbury, and Edward kills Henry's son and banishes Margaret to France. Richard goes to the Tower of London to kill Henry, who predicts Richard will become the widespread source of great suffering as he lays dieing.

Everyone celebrates the end of the war and the birth of Edward's youngest son, Prince Edward, with still nobody suspecting Richard's great desire to one day ascend the throne.


	23. Chapter 23

Richard III In 500 Words

After six years of civil war, Edward IV rules England and the country is at peace. However, Edward's hunchbacked younger brother Richard Duke of Gloucester is bitter, and jealous for the throne.

So Richard begins a complicated plot to get rid of everyone between him and the throne. First, he imprisons his older brother Clarence for his involvement in a prophecy predicting the death of Edward's heirs at Clarence. Then, he 'woos', with lies and false promises, the beautiful Lady Anne and convinces her to marry him. This is especially horrible because Anne is actually a widow, with Richard responsible for the deaths her husband and father.

Richard sends two men to murder Clarence, who does not believe the murderer's claims that Richard sent them, believing that Richard will save him. He is proved wrong when he is stabbed then drowned. Edward, already ill, is convinced by Richard that he is responsible, the guilt advancing his illness, and eventually killing him. Richard is made Lord Protector until Edward's oldest son is old enough.

Richard imprisons Edward's sons, Richard and Edward, and orders the execution of all their supporters. With the help of the Duke of Buckingham, his cousin, Richard continues his campaign, claiming he is a devout man with no desire for the throne and the Princes are illegitimate.

By now, the Duke of Hastings, the Lord Chamberlain has guessed Richard's plan. So he accuses Queen Elizabeth, the Princes's mother, of witchcraft. Hastings is morally unable to sign her death warrant, letting Richard accuse him of treason and order his execution. Buckingham spreads rumors that the Princes were born out of wedlock, increasing the public's support for Richard and allowing Richrad to crown himself King Richard III.

Richard orders Buckingham to kill the Princes, but Buckingham is unable to, so Richard hires someone else to do it. When Richard goes back on his promise to give Buckingham new lands, Buckingham deserts Richard and sides with the exiled nobleman Henry Earl of Richmond.

Richard decides that a better choice of wife would be Princess Elizabeth. She _is_ the Princes sister, which _does_ make her Richard's niece, but whatever. Guess it's not just Greek Gods. So Richard poisons Anne to get her out of the way. But by now, Queen Elizabeth, Edward's widow, mother to the Princes, is suspicious of Richard and manages to stall him, saving Lady Anne's life and swearing to support Henry.

Henry, Earl of Richmond, returns to England with an army to destroy Richard. The night before the Battle of Bosworth Field, all Richard's victims visit Richard, wishing him death, and then visiting Henry, wishing him success. Richard is eventually killed on the battlefield the next day by Henry, who is crowned Henry VII, revealing that he has a claim to the throne through his ancestor Princess Katharine, who was the widow of Henry V. Henry VII marries Princess Elizabeth.


	24. Chapter 24

Henry VIII In 500 Words

Three noblemen - the Dukes of Buckingham, Norfolk and Abergavenny - are complaining about the horrible noble, Cardinal Wolsey, King Henry VIII's most trusted advisor, who is seen as power-hungy, greedy and ruthless by both the nobility and the public, who are very upset about news taxes which Wolsey has enforced. Buckingham has in fact been arrested and charged with treason, a move he is sure Wolsey is behind.

Henry's wife, Katharine of Aragon, speaks to the entire court, opposing the new taxes on behalf of both the common citizens of England and all the nobility. Henry is so moved by her speech, and scared of what Katharine will do if she doesn't get her way, that he orders an end to the new taxes. Wolsey, attempting to improve his reputation, secretly takes credit for ending the taxes.

Henry and a few of his men decide to have some fun by disguising themselves as shepherds and gate crashing a party at Wolsey's house. At the party, Henry notices the beautiful young lady, Anne Boleyn, who he reassures that they will see each other again, before Wolsey unmasks him and forces him to leave.

Buckingham is found guilty of treason and sentenced to execution by beheading. Rumors abound that Wolsey was behind both the taxes being put in place and Buckingham's fate all along. There are also rumors that Henry wants to divorce Katharine, only strengthened when it is revealed that Henry has filed a divorce petition with the Pope. Katharine begs Henry not to divorce her, claiming that Wolsey is behind everything. Henry appreciates Katharine's loyalty but still decides to go ahead with the divorce whether or not the Pope approves. Henry and Anne are quietly married.

Henry discovers a set of letters sent between Wolsey and the Pope, in which Wolsey has advised the Pope to wait until after Henry's love for Anne has subsided and then grant the divorce. Henry is furious, stripping Wolsey of his office and confiscating all Wolsey's property. Shortly afterwards, Wolsey dies. Katharine, now demoted to a dowager princess, is tired and predicts that her death is at hand.

Now that Wolsey is gone, Henry is worried by new rumours about Henry's close advisor Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury. Henry gives his ring to Cranmer so that Cranmer can prove his innocence at his trial. This sends a message to all the nobles responsible for the constant rumours that they've upset the king and should stop the infighting immediately.

Anne is crowned queen in a magnificent coronation ceremony, and everyone marvels at her beauty and grace. The play ends with the birth and baptism of Anne's child by Henry, baby Elizabeth. Cranmer speaks very eloquently all about Elizabeth's greatness and predicts that she will bring England great peace and happiness. This is quite clearly Shakespeare sucking up to Elizabeth, who was queen when the play was first written.


	25. Chapter 25

The Two Noble Kinsmen In 500 Words

Three Theban women come to ask Duke Theseus of Athens for help. The tyrannical King of Thebes, Creon, has killed their husbands and is refusing to give the men proper burials, despite the women's protests. Theseus is so angry with his fellow king that he follows the women's advice and wages war on Creon.

Despite their disapproval, the cousins Palamon and Arcite fight on Creon's side, and are taken prisoner in Athens when Creon is defeated, staying together due to a vow they made as children to always stick together. They also make a vow to accept their fates once they are imprisoned. However, those vows are both instantly forgetten when through the prison window, they see the beautiful Emilia, the sister of Theseus's wife Hippolyta, and both instantly fall in love and begin to argue over who should have her for bride, turning on each other within minutes of seeing Emilia. Because that's what friends are for.

Arcite relative intervenes, and he is freed, but banished from Athens. He envies Palamon, who gets to be near Emilia. Palamon, however, envies Arcite, believing Arcite can simply return to Athens in disguise to be with Emilia. Arcite does indeed disguise himself as a peasant bodyguard so as to be much closer to Emilia, whilst the jailer's daughter falls in love with Palamon, letting him escape. Palamon is still besotted with Emilia, however, so ignores his rescuer as she follows him around in the woods of Athens. Wandering around, Palamon finds Arcite, who nurses him back to health whilst the two renew their bickering, eventually deciding to duel to the death of Emilia.

Theseus, Hippolyta and Emilia come across Palamon and Arcite duelling and are Theseus orders their immediate arrest and execution. However, when they explain their live for Emilia, Emilia and Hippolyta beg Theseus to reconsider. So, as a result, Theseus announces that both cousins will have a month to prepare for a public test of determination, courage and strength, whereby the winner will marry Emilia and the loser will be executed. Meanwhile, the jailer's daughter is nursed back to health by a doctor, who suggests that the girl's fianceé pretends to be Palamon.

The day of the tournament arrives, and Arcite wins. He is, however, fatally wounded when his horse throws him off halfway through a victory lap of the arena, just before Palamon's execution. On his deathbed, Arcite reconciles with Palamon and gives him his blessing, letting Palamon marry Emilia, before Arcite dies.

This play was actually not entirely written by Shakespeare; he worked on it with John Fletcher, and it is heavily based on the Knight's Tale from the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer. Seriously, the Prologue to the story actually tells the audience that the story came from Chaucer. So you can expect me to give you another full run-down on those once I've finished Shakespeare's plays.


	26. Chapter 26

Two Gentlemen Of Verona In 500 Words

The play starts with two friends saying goodbye to each other. Valentine has decided to travel around Italy, but Proteus has decided to stay behind in their home city of Verona because he cannot bear the thought of abandoning the woman he loves, Julia. When Valentine has left, Proteus begins to woo Julia. At first, Julia ignores him, but when her maid brings her a letter, suggesting that it is from Proteus, she tears it up, immediately regrets her decision and attempting to stick it back together with kisses, of all things. She now realizes her love for him when his father decides to send Proteus away to Milan so that he can join Valentine. They exchange rings and promise each other that they will be married some day, before Proteus leaves.

In Milan, Proteus discovers Valentine, who has fallen in love with the Duke of Milan's daughter, Silvia, who has herself fallen in love with Valentine. However, the Duke wants Silvia to marry the wealthy but utterly brainless nobleman Thurio. And of course, the mess is made even greater when Proteus falls in love with Silvia at first sight, forgetting Julia immediately.

Valentine, not realizing Proteus's intentions, tells Proteus of his plans to elope that very same night with Silvia. Proteus, obviously, sees this as the perfect oppurtunity to get rid of one of his competitors for Silvia's love, and tells the Duke of Valentine's plans. The Duke is outraged and banishes Valentine instantly. Meanwhile, Julia has heard of Proteus's newfound love for Silvia, and has disguised herself as a pageboy Sebastian so she can travel to Milan and investigate. Her fears are confirmed when Proteus actually instructs Sebastian/Julia to deliver her ring to Silvia. So Sebastian/Julia is pleased to see Silvia reject Proteus's advances, both women disgusted that he could leave behind his love in Verona so easily.

Meanwhile, Valentine has been captured by a group of outlaws who were once banished gentlemen themselves. He joins their group and is quickly elected leader. However, the rumour in Milan is that the outlaws killed Valentine. But Silvia won't believe it and sets out to find her lover, with Proteus and Sebastian/Julia following. Silvia is captured by the outlaws, but Proteus saves her immediately, hoping she will love him in return for his bravery. However, she rejects him again and be becomes furious, actually very close to raping her. It is at this point that Valentine comes forward. Proteus begs forgiveness, which Valentine readily gives, and Sebastian/Julia faints in all the ensuing hubbub, revealing her true identity. Proteus remembers his love for her and promises to remain faithful from then on.

At the end of the play, Thurio renounces Silvia's hand in marriage when threatened by Valentine, the Duke is disgusted so much by Thurio's cowardice that he allows both couples to marry and he welcomes everyone back to Milan.


	27. Chapter 27

The Winter's Tale In 500 Words

King Leontes of Sicily and King Polixenes of Bohemia are best friends, and have been since childhood. Polixenes has been staying with Leontes for a while, and after nine months is anxious to get back to Bohemia and see his son again. Leontes, however, tries to convince his friend to stay longer, failing miserably. So he asks his wife, Hermione, to try and convince Polixenes. She manages to convince Polixenes to stay with three short speeches. Leontes is at first puzzled as to how this happened, suddenly going mad, which leads him out suspect that Hermione and Polixenes are having an affair, and that her baby is Polixenes's. Leontes tries to convince the nobleman Camillo to poison Polixenes, but Camillo tells his victim of Leontes's plan, and the two men flee back to Bohemia.

Leontes throws Hermione in prison for 'infidelity', and sends noblemen to ask an oracle whether the child is his. But before this happens, Hermione gives birth, and Lady Paulina, takes the baby to Leontes, hoping the sight of the child will soften the king's heart. However, the sight of the baby infuriates him and he orders Paulina's husband, Lord Antigonus, to abandon the baby in the woods. The oracle reveals too late that Hermione, Polixenes and Camillo are innocent and that Leontes will not have an heir until the baby is born, as word arrives from prison that Hermione has died, and her baby has disappeared. At first Leontes refuses to believe the oracle, but news then arrives that his son has died, and Leontes swears to spend the rest of his life in mourning for his dead family.

Meanwhile, Lord Antigonus arrives on the coast of Bohemia, and claims to have seen Hermione in a vision telling him to name the baby Perdita. He leaves her with several golden trinkets to show the baby is of noble blood. A huge storm destroy's Antigonus's ship, and he wishes he could help Perdita, but is chased off stage in one of Shakespeare's most famous stage directions, "Exit, pursued by bear." Fortunately, Perdita is rescued by a shepherd and his son, who's referred to as The Clown.

Perdita is raised as a shepherdess on the Bohemian coast, until she is sixteen, at which point Polixenes's son Florizel falls in love. Polixenes is warned by Camillo and tries to intervene at a rowdy sheep-shearing festival at which Perdita and Florizel are engaged, disapproving of Florizel's lowly choice of wife, but the two run away to Sicily, and end up in Leontes's courtroom. Leontes is still in mourning, until Polixenes arrives and Perdita's true identity is revealed. At that moment, a statue of Hermione comes to life. It turns out that Hermione did not die at all, but instead went into seclusion, until she heard about Perdita's arrival and disguised herself to investigate her daughter. Everyone is joyously reunited.


	28. Chapter 28

Measure For Measure In 500 Words

Vincentio, the Duke of Vienna, announces that he is leaving the city on a diplomatic mission and is leaving the city in the hands of the strict judge Angelo.

A group of soldiers are bored, and start bantering about how they hope a war with Hungary is coming soon so they can take part. Mistress Overdone, who is the manager of a brothel the soldiers often visit, tells them that Claudio has been arrested for getting his wife pregnant before they were married. This has been made illegal by Angelo, and due to all the legal requirements not being carried out he will be executed in three days. Lucio, one of the soldiers and Claudio's friends, runs off to visit Claudio's sister Isabella, a novice nun, asking her to intervene on his behalf.

Meanwhile, a subplot appears. Pompey Bum, a pimp for Mistress Overdone who pretends to be her bartender, disagrees with Claudio's arrest before he tells his mistress that Angelo is destroying all brothels in Vienna. Mistress Overdone is distraught, but Pompey reassures her that she just needs to move to keep her business alive.

Isabella does, begging Angelo to have mercy on her brother. It becomes clear that Angelo lusts after her, offering her a deal; if she gives him her virginity, Claudio will be freed. She refuses, and realizes nobody would believe her if she spoke out. She tells Claudio to prepare for death, not wanting to sacrifice their innocence for Claudio's life.

Vincentio never actually left the city, instead disguising himself as Friar Lodowick to spy on Angelo. He then befriends Isabella and plans to save Claudio. First, Isabella pretends to agree to Angelo's terms, but Angelo actually gets into bed with Mariana, a noblewoman who was engaged to Angelo, but was abandoned when her dowry was lost. Now this is done, Angelo orders the execution anyway, but Vincentio/Lodowick plans to send the head of another prisoner. The villain Barnardine refuses to be executed whilst he is drunk, but the pirate Ragozine dies of fever and his head is sent instead.

Duke Vincentio 'returns' to Vienna, at which point Mariana and Isabella petition against Angelo, who manages to prove himself innocent of their claims. Friar Lodowick is blamed for the accusations but Vincentio reveals he was Lodowick, revealing Angelo's villainy and the innocence of Mariana and Isabella. Vincentio orders Angelo's execution, but only after he marries Mariana so she will inherit everything he owns. Mariana protests, but the Duke only gives in when he reveals that Claudio is in fact alive. The Duke then proposes to Isabella, who does not answer.

Throughout the play, Lucio tells Lodowick of Vincentio's stupidity, but at the end of the play, tell Vincentio of Lodowick's stupidity. As punishment for his deceit, he too is forced into a marriage, marrying Kate Keepdown, a prostitute who he got pregnant at Mistress Overdone's brothel, then abandoned.


	29. Chapter 29

Pericles Prince Of Tyre In 500 Words

Antiochus, ruler of Antioch has made an announcement. Any man who answers it will be allowed to marry Antiochus's daughter, but anyone who fails will be executed. Pericles, Prince of Tyre, decides to try, but realizes instantly that it reveals Antiochus had a relationship with the princess, and returns to Tyre.

Helicanus, a governor, advises him to leave so Antiochus can't find him, so Pericles sails to Tarsus, plagued by famine. Pericles gives King Cleon and Queen Dionyza enough grain to end the famine, before sailing on.

His ship is wrecked of the coast of Pentapolis, where he is told by the fisherman that rescue him that King Simonedes is holding a tournament the next day, the first prize being Princess Thaisa's hand in marriage. Pericles takes part and wins, with Thaisa falling in love instantly and Simonedes eventually warming to him.

Pericles decides to return to Tyre with the pregnant Thaisa, but another storm appears and Thaisa dies whilst giving birth to her child Marina. The sailors insist on throwing Thaisa's body overboard to calm the storm, to which Pericles reluctantly agrees, deciding to stop at Tarsus in case Marina does not survive the storm.

Luckily, Thaisa did not die and her casket washes ashore in Ephesus near the house of Lord Cerimon, a renowned physician who manages to revive her. Thinking Pericles did not survive the storm, she becomes a priestess at the Temple of Diana. Meanwhile, Pericles lands in Tarsus, where he gives Marina to Cleon and Dionyza, knowing that he will not be able to raise her himself whilst he is in mourning for his wife and ruling a country.

Marina grows up alongside Cleon and Dioyza's daughter Philoten, but when Marina becomes even more beautiful that Philoten, Dionyza grows jealous for her daughter and arranges for Marina to be murdered. However, the plan fails when Marina and the crew meant to be killing her are captured by pirates and she is sold to a brothel in Mytoline. Marina however, manages to keep her virginity safe by convincing the customers to repent for their sins and seek virtue. The brothel owner become worried that she is costing them money, so they rent her out as a tutor to young ladies. She agrees to this and becomes famous for her entertainment, in particular her music.

Meanwhile, Pericles returns to Tarsus to retrieve Marina, finally over Thaisa's death. When Dionyza tells him that Marina is dead, he abandons Tyre to sail around the world. At one point in his travels, he arrives in Myteline, where the governor brings in Marina to play some music in order the cheer Pericles up. The two compare their stories and realise they are father and daughter. Diana appears to Pericles in a dream, telling him to journey to her temple, where he finds Thaisa. Cleon and Dionyza are punished when their people revolt against them and Lysimachus marries Marina.


	30. Chapter 30

Cymbeline In 500 Words

Cymbeline, the ancient British king, is furious to learn that his daughter has married the poor gentleman Posthumus, rather than marrying someone of royal blood. Cymbeline is so furious, he banishes Posthumus to Italy. The Queen is also furious, hoping to marry Imogen to her utterly brainless son from another marriage, Cloten, in order to secure his claim to the throne. She then hopes to kill both Imogen and Cymbeline so Cloten gains the throne. She asks the royal doctor, Cornelius, for poison to do this, but he gets suspicious and swaps it with a sleeping potion, which he gives to Imogen and Posthumus's faithful servant, who gives it to Imogen, explaining it's from the Queen.

In Italy, Posthumus meets the charismatic thief Iachimo, who he tells about about his love for Imogen. Iachimo claims that all women are, deep down, unfaithful, and bets Posthumus that he can go to England and successfully seduce Imogen. If Iachimo wins, he gets Posthumus's engagement ring. If Posthumus wins, Iachimo will pay him before they participate in a duel. Imogen obviously remembers her love for Posthumus and rejects Iachimo's advances, so he hides in a chest, has it delivered to her bedroom, where he steals her bracelet, a present that Posthumus gave her. Posthumus is so furious at Imogen's supposed infidelity that he sends the servant Pisanio to kill her. Pisano however sees through Iachimo's claims and travels to England in order to warn Imogen, and advise her to disguise herself as a boy in order to clear things up with Posthumus back in Italy. Meanwhile, Pisanio tells Posthumus that Imogen is dead.

Imogen presumably reads the map upside down, and ends up not in Italy but in Wales instead. Here, she encounters the exiled nobleman Belarius, and Belarius's two sons, who are, unknown to anyone apart from Belarius, Cymbeline's sons, kidnapped by Belarius in retaliation for his exile.

Cloten, hearing of Posthumus's plans, disguises himself as Posthumus so he can rape and kill Imogen. But when comes to search for Imogen, he gets into a fight with one of Belarius's sons, who promptly decapitates him. Imogen feels ill and drinks the 'magic healing potion' her stepmother gave her. She dos, of course, go to sleep for a bit, and when she wakes up next to Cloten's headless body, she thinks that it's actually Posthumus's body.

The Roman army arrive from Italy to invade Britain. Iachimo and Posthumus travel with them, although Posthumus actually fights for the British. Belarius and his supposed sons arrive to help him, and the Romans are defeated. Posthumus disguises himself as a Roman prisoner to join the real Roman prisoners, now hoping to get executed, believing Imogen is dead.

Imogen and Posthumus are reunited, Iachimo's and Belarius's treacheries are forgiven, Cymbeline is reunited with his sons and even the Roman prisoners are freed in a Roman-Britain peace treaty.


	31. Chapter 31

Love's Labours Lost In 500 Words

King Ferdinand of Navarre and his nobleman friends, Berowne, Longaville and Dumain, have been swing rather a lot of women lately, and all swear an oath that no one in court will give in to the charms of women, and will dedicate the next three years of their life to studying and fasting. Dumain does this slightly more hesitantly, but Ferdinand is so convinced that he swears to not allow any women within a mile of court. Don Adriano de Armado, a visiting Spaniard, tells the king of a meeting between the servant Costard and Jacquenetta. Costard is sentenced, and Don Adriano reveals to his page, Moth, that he actually told the king because he secretly loves Jaquenetta. He writes a letter to her and tells Costard to deliver it.

The Princess of France and her ladies-in-waiting arrive to talk about who owns Aquitane. But because of the oath, they have to set up camp for the men to come to them. The King makes the brilliant move of falling in love with the Princess, and the lords follow by falling in love with the ladies. Berowne gives Costard a letter to deliver to Lady Rosaline. But it is accidentally switched with Don Adriano's letter, and two scholars, Holofernes and Sir Nathaniel, uncover the truth for Jaquenetta and advise her to tell the King that two of his men have broken the oath.

The King lies watching and hiding as each lord reveals his love at different times, at which point he tells them of for breaking their oath. Berowne, however, reveals the King is in love with the Princess. Jaquenetta and Costard appear to accuse Berowne of breaking the oath, which he admits to, claiming the only study worthy of mankind is the study of love. The other men all agree with his to take back the oath. They arrange for Holofernes to entertain them later, and they disguise themselves as princes from Moscow to court the ladies in disguise. But a servant overhears them planning, and helps the ladies disguise themselves as each other. When the lords return as themselves, the princesses tease them and reveal their trick.

The men are so impressed by the ladies's wit that they apologize and when all the correct identities are restored, they sit down to watch Holofernes, Sir Nathaniel, Moth, Don Adriano and Costard present the Nine Worthies, a play about nine people who each represent an ideal of chivalry. The lords and ladies all heckle the play, and Costard is nearly injured when he reveals partway through that Don Adriano has gotten Jaquenetta pregnant. The fight is interrupted by the news that the King of France, the Princess's father, has died. The ladies make plans to return to France and declare that the men must wait a year and a day before they follow to which they agree. Don Adriano swears the same oath with Jaquenetta and sings.


	32. Chapter 32

As You Like It In 500 Words

Duke Frederick has usurped his older brother and the rightful ruler, Duke Senior. Senior's daughter Rosalind has only been allowed to stay because she is the cousin and best friend of Frederick's only daughter, Celia, and he tries to cheer everyone up with a day of wrestling. Orlando, a gentleman and Rosalind's lover, is having a good day, having defeated the king's best boxer, Monsieur Charles. But then Frederick learns that that he and Orlando's father are enemies, and banishes first Orlando then Rosalind. And to top it all off, Orlando is warned by his servant Adam that his father has died and his older brother Oliver has taken over, and is trying to execute Orlando for Frederick. Orlando and Adam run away together, whilst Rosalind, Celia and Touchstone the jester also run away, with Rosalind disguised as the page Ganymede and Celia disguised as Aliena. Frederick is furious and orders Oliver to find them, or else Oliver's lands will all be taken away from him.

Rosalind/Ganymede, Celia/Aliena and Touchstone find the impoverished tenant Corin and offer to by his master's cottage. They then find the camp of Duke Senior, who lives with some of his exiled noblemen, including the discontent Jacques, who is found weeping over the slaughter of a deer. Orlando and Adam also find Senior's camp and join them, welcomed with a speech from Jacques ("All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players"), and Orlando begins to post simple love poems for Rosalind on trees. Rosalind/Ganymede meets him and tries to give him advice about love, doing a bit of role-playing.

The shepherdess Phoebe has fallen in love with Rosalind/Ganymede, whilst the shepherd Silvius is in love with Phoebe. However, Rosalind/Ganymede is clearly not interested in Phoebe and loves another. Touchstone has fallen in love with a rather stupid shepherdess Audrey, but is encouraged to marry someone else. William, yet another shepherd attempts to marry Audrey but gives up when Touchstone threatens him.

Silvius, Phoebe, Orlando and Rosalind/Ganymede get into an argument over who marries who, at which point Rosalind/Ganymede makes Orlando promise to marry Rosalind and Phoebe promise to marry Silvius if she cannot marry Ganymede.

Oliver regrets his actions towards his brother when Orlando causes a snake to run away from the sleeping Oliver and saves him from a lion. Orlando sustains a head wound so he can't visit Ganymede and Aliena as promised, so sends Oliver to explain the delay, at which point Oliver and Aliena fall in love, agreeing to marry each other. Orlando and Rosalind, Oliver and Celia, Silvius and Phoebe and Touchstone and Audrey are all married, and Frederick decides to restore Senior to the throne and lead a more religious life. Jacques also declines their offer to return to court, staying in the forest and also leading a more religious life.


	33. Chapter 33

Much Ado About Nothing In 500 Words

In the Sicilian countryside, of the coast of Italy, there is a small and beautiful town called Messina. Governor Leonato of Messina receives word that Don Pedro, a prince from Aragon, will be passing through Messina on his way home from victory after a recent victory in war, with his soldiers, his friends Claudio and Benedick, and his illegitimate brother Don John. They will be staying for a month.

When the army arrives, Claudio once again falls in love with Leonato's daughter Hero and they decide to marry, whilst Benedick, a sarcastic self-confirmed bachelor, matches wits with Leonato's niece Beatrice, and the two begin a constant battle of wits. Benedick, openly despising marriage tries to discourage Claudio, but Leonato lets Claudio go ahead, telling Benedick that when the time is right he will learn to love and will be married. The others realize Benedick and Beatrice are very well-matched and should marry, so they come up with a trick. Beatrice pretends Benedick is in love with Beatrice in front of her, and Beatrice, convinced Hero is so innocent she would not lie, resolves to love him. Meanwhile, Claudio pretends Beatrice is in love with Benedick in front of him, and Benedick, convinced Claudio is also so innocent he would not lie, resolves to love her.

Don John, jealous due to his lack of lover, decides to trick everyone with his partner-in-crime, Borachio. Borachio successfully woos Hero's maid and she hugs him and kisses him and does other things when won't go into here, but when Don John shows Don Pedro and Claudio, it is so dark that they believe it's Hero hugging. As Friar Francis prepares to marry Claudio and Hero, Claudio accuses her of infidelity and Don Pedro is forced to agree, and Leonato is almost convinced. Hero faints at the notion, and Leonato realizes she is innocent.

Hero is hidden and publicly proclaimed dead, a trick designed by Leonato specifically to avoid any awkward questions. Only Leonato and Don Pedro know she is alive. Beatrice is so upset she tries to convince Benedick to kill Claudio as revenge, but they then overhear Borachio boast of the conspiracy. Borachio is arrested and confesses, confirmed by Don John running away. Claudio tells Leonato to kill him (Claudio) for causing Hero's death, but Leonato instead tells him to spend a night in Hero's tomb singing of her innocence and to marry Leonato's niece. The singing wakes Hero out of her coma almost immediately.

Two ladies arrive at the wedding in masks; one Claudio's bride and another unknown. It turns out the first is in fact Hero, ready to marry Claudio. The second is Beatrice, still intent on teasing Benedick. The two couples are married by Friar Francis, and when Don John is captured, they decide to wait to think up a punishment for him, not wanting to ruin their perfect happiness.


	34. Chapter 34

The Taming Of the Shrew In 500 Words

This play is called a comedy but it really isn't a comedy. It's very sexist and also quite cruel to most of the characters.

A group of travellers, including a nobleman, find a drunken tinker, Christopher Sly, and tell him he is a lord. They put on a play which they say will cure his madness and distract him from his wife, a servant in disguise.

Baptista Minola lives in Padua and has two daughters: Bianca, the beautiful romantic one, and Katherine, the clever determined one. Baptista has sworn nobody can marry Bianca until Katherine is married, but because everyone in Shakespeare's time was sexist, they don't want to marry Katherine. Lucentio has come to Padua to attend university, and falls in love with Bianca. When he overhears Baptista say his daughters need tutors, Lucentio disguises himself as a Latin tutor named Cambio to get close to Bianca, whilst his servant Tranio pretends to be him.

Petruchio and his servant Gremio comes to Padua from Verona hoping to enjoy life and find a rich wife since his father's death, and Hortensio, a man in love with Bianca, suggests he marries Katherine, so that Bianca is free to marry. Petruchio realizes how big her dowry is and agrees. Hortensio requests his only thanks are for Petruchio to recommend Litio, Hortensio in disguise, as a music tutor to Baptista. Litio is recruited instantly.

Petruchio woos Katherine, pretending any harsh things he says are kind. Katherina agrees to marry Petruchio after seeing that he is the only man willing to; however, at the wedding Petruchio strikes the priest and drinks the communion wine. Once they are gone, Gremio and Tranio woo Bianca, with Tranio outdoing Gremio. However he promises much more than Lucentio actually possesses. When Baptista determines that Bianca and Lucentio can marry, Tranio decides that they will need someone to pretend to be Lucentio's father. Meanwhile, Tranio persuades Hortensio that Bianca is not worthy of his attentions.

In Verona, Petruchio denies his wife food and water, constantly disagreeing with her, and treats Katharine so badly she agrees with anything he says. They travel back to Padua for Bianca's wedding.

Lucentio and Tranio convince a tramp to pretend to be Lucentio's father and confirm the dowry, with Lucentio and Bianca eloping. Lucentio's real father meets the peasant and in the confusion is nearly arrested before Lucentio explains and all is forgiven.

Hortensio marries a rich widow and all the recently married men argue about whose wife is the most obedient. They propose a wager where all the men call for their wives and the winner will be whoever is the most obedient. Katharine is the only one who comes, having to drag in the other two and lecture them on a wife's duties. Everyone marvels at Petruchio's taming of the shrew.

Told you it wasn't really a comedy. Sexism and cruelty galore.


	35. Chapter 35

The Merchant Of Venice In 500 Words

Bassanio, a Venetian nobleman, is in love with Portia and wants to woo her. He has, however, used his money to pay all his debts and needs 3000 ducats to fund his wooing. He asks his friend Antonio, a merchant, for the money. Antonio agrees to help Bassanio, but because all his ships and money are in ships headed for trading ports all over the world, he borrows the money for Bassanio from the moneylender Shylock. Shylock blames Antonio for forcing moneylenders to lower interest rates, so they make a deal that if Antonio cannot pay back the money, he owes Shylock a pound of Antonio's flesh.

Bassanio takes a test devised by Portia's father to determine who will marry her and wins, and the two marry alongside Bassanio's friend Gratiano and Portia's handmaid Nerissa marrying. Antonio's ships are lost at sea and Shylock, angry that his daughter Jessica has eloped with Lorenzo with most of his wealth, brings Antonio before court. Bassanio and Gratiano return to Venice to repay Shylock with Portia's money. Portia secretly sends her servant Balthazar to ask the advice of her cousin Bellario, a lawyer living in Padua.

Shylock refuses Antonio's offer of twice the loan, but the Duke calls in the lawyer Balthazar, approved by Bellario. Balthazar is actually Portia in disguise, and the accompanying clerk is Nerissa. Balthazar tells Shylock to have mercy but he still refuses. But as he is about to claim the flesh, Balthazar points out that Shylock was only promised the flesh and not the blood. If he spills any of Antonio's blood or takes any more or less than a pound, he will be legally entitled to forfeit all of his lands, money and even his life.

Shylock realizes he's defeated and accepts Antonio's offer of the original loan, but Balthazar forbids him from taking it on the grounds that he has already refused it. He is also accused of attempted murder and is therefore forced to leave half of all he owns to the city, the other half to Antonio, leaving him at the Duke's mercy. Shylock is pardoned by the Duke, but Antonio claims he will donate his half to Jessica and Lorenzo before convincing the Duke to forfeit the city's half provided it is also left to Jessica and Lorenzo and Shylock is forced to convert from Judaism to Christianity.

Bassanio insists on giving Balthazar a present in return for saving his friend's life, and although she protests at first she eventually asks for his wedding ring and Antonio's gloves. Antonio gives his gloves readily, but has to convince Bassanio due to his promise to Portia that he would never lose, sell or give away the ring. Nerissa asks the same of Gratiano, who reacts like Bassanio, eventually giving it up.

The truth is soon revealed and Antonio's ships aren't all wrecked.


	36. Chapter 36

The Merry Wives Of Windsor In 500 Words

You thought you'd gotten rid of him, but he's back. Sir. John. Falstaff.

Falstaff arrives in Windsor with very little money. He makes the decision that to make some money he will court two wealthy married women, Mistress Page and Mistress Ford. He writes identical love letters to the two women and tells his servants Pistol and Nim to deliver them. But Pistol and Nim refuse and Falstaff sacks them, convincing them to tell Page and Ford, the mistresses' husbands, what Falstaff is doing. Page is completely unbothered, but Ford persuades the Landlord to introduce him to Falstaff so he can work out Falstaff's plans in detail.

Page's daughter Anne has three suitors; her mother wants her to marry Doctor Caius, Page wants her to marry Master Slender and she wants to marry Master Fenton. Hugh Evans tries to get Caius's servant to help woo Anne on Slender's behalf, but Caius discovers and challenges Hugh to a duel. The Landlord tricks them into not fighting, and they work together to get revenge on the Landlord.

The Mistresses realize Falstaff's letter are identical and greatly disapprove of him. But they decide to play along for a laugh and pretend they love Falstaff. Falstaff is embarrassed, and Ford is suspicious of Falstaff and Mistress Ford.

The mistresses trick him into getting into a basket of dirty washing, and throw the basket in the river when Ford appears. Falstaff, however, is convinced the women are just playing hard to get. They then trick him into disguising himself as the obese aunt of Mistress Ford's maid, and is beaten up by is beaten up by Ford.

The mistresses tell their husbands what they have done and everyone comes up with one last trick. They tell Falstaff to dress up as Herne The Hunter and tell him to visit Windsor Forest. They then dress up the local children as fairies and tell them to pinch and burn Falstaff. Page arranges for Anne to be dressed in white so Slender can recognize her, steal her and be married before anyone notices. Mistress Ford arranges and almost identical trick with Caius, arranging for Anne to be dressed in green. Anne realizes what is happening and arranges for her and Fenton to marry secretly.

The wives meet Falstaff and the fairies attack. Slender, Caius and Fenton all take away who they think is their bride and everyone else reveals their true takes the joke well, and agrees when Ford insists on compensation of twenty pounds and all Falstaff's horses.

Caius and Slender arrive revealing that they accidentally stole a pair of boys, and Caius ahs actually married his accidentally. Fenton and Anne reveal their love, and Fenton reprimands the Fords for trying to force Anne into a marriage, to which the Fords agree, congratulating the pair on their marriage. Everyone leaves happily for a big meal, with Mistress Page inviting Falstaff.


	37. Chapter 37

Troilus And Cressida In 500 Words

It is Year Seven of the Trojan War, between the Trojans and the Greeks. In Troy, the young prince Troilus is unable to concentrate on the war because of his love for Cressida, a fellow Trojan whose father fights for the Greeks. Troilus enlists the help of Cressida's uncle Pandarus to get her attention.

Meanwhile, in the Greek camp, Agamemnon wonders why his men are all so depressed and defeated. Ulysses, the genius king of Ithaca blames everything on Achilles, who is setting a bad example by refusing to fight and spending all his time with his boyfriend Patroclus. The Trojans propose an one-on-one match between the Trojan Prince Hector and a Greek soldier nominated by the Greeks. So to inspire Achilles, Ulysses nominates Ajax, a move designed to inspire Achilles to rejoin the fight to prove himself.

In Troy, everyone is debating over whether it's worth fighting over Helen. Indeed, several people are more than willing to hand her over and end the war. Eventually though, everyone is convinced she is worth fighting for and they continue the war. Pandarus does a bit of clever hijinks so that Troilus and Cressida have a few moments alone to declare their love for each other in, which they do before they... prove their love with little dignity and less clothes.

Achilles is still with Patroclus, although Patroclus himself wants Achilles to rejoin the fight. Ulysses comes up with a plan for Patroclus to disguise himself as Achilles to scare the Trojans off. They plan works until it is revealed 'Achilles' is Patroclus in disguise and Hector kills him, inspiring Achilles to get revenge on Hector for his boyfriend's death.

Cressida's father makes an arrangement that she can be traded for a Trojan prisoner so that she can join him in the Greek camp. They Greeks agree and the two lovers swear to remain loyal to each other, before Cressida is forced to leave. The fight between Ajax and Hector ends in a draw, and Achilles tells Hector that they will see each other on the battlefield the next day, and Achilles will kill Hector as revenge for Patroclus's murder. In the meantime everyone has a feast to celebrate the fight.

Troilus wants to see Cressida again, so Ulysses agrees to take him to her. However, when they see her, she does not realize they are watching and eventually gives in to the advances of Diomedes. Troilus is heartbroken, promising to track down Dimoedes on the battlefield the next day and kill him.

The next day, the battle comes, and the Trojans seem to have the upper hand. But then, Achilles arrives and finds Hector whilst he (Hector) is vulnerable, and Hector is killed by Achilles and his mates, the Myrmidons. They parade his body around the outskirts of Troy whilst the Trojans retreat to mourn the loss of Hector and Troilus retreats to mourn the loss of Cressida.


	38. Chapter 38

Twelfth Night In 500 Words

Viola and her identical twin brother Sebastian are on a boat when they are shipwrecked on the coast of Illyria. Viola has survived, becuase she was saved by the captain but believes her brother is drowned. With the help of the ship's captain she disguises herself as a man named Cesario and becomes a servant for Duke Orsino. Orsino is in love with Lady Olivia ("If music be the food of love, play on,"), but Lady Olivia is mourning the deaths of her father and her brother and has sworn not to have fun, date or marry until seven years have passed. He sends 'Cesario' to woo Olivia on his behalf, but Olivia falls in love with 'Cesario', and Viola falls in love with Orsino.

Olivia's uncle, Sir Toby Belch, wants her to marry his friend Sir Andrew Aguecheek, but Malvolio, Olivia's steward, is very strict about Olivia's vow and is making everyone depressed. So Toby, Andrew and Olivia's servant Maria plan to humiliate him. Maria writes a letter in Olivia's handwriting claiming that Olivia loves Malvolio and he should prove his love by visiting her in cross-gartered yellow socks, insulting the servant and smiling like a madman whenever Olivia is near. Malvolio actually believes the letter and, suddenly in love, follows Maria's requests. When Malvolio does not get a response, he quotes the letter ("Be not afraid of greatness, some are born great, some become great and some have greatness thrust upon them,"), causing Olivia to believe that Malvolio has gone mad, so she gets Toby, Andrew and Maria to lock him up. He is visited multiple times by a servant who mocks his insanity, both as himself and disguised as a priest.

Sebastian actually survived the shipwreck and is living with a sea captain named Antonio, who once fought against Orsino. Antonio is such good friends with Sebastian that he agrees to accompany him to Illyria. Olivia mistakes Sebastian for Cesario ands asks him to marry her, to which he agrees, and the two are married in secret. Antonio gives him some money, but when Cesario appears and has no recollection of Antonio, Antonio is arrested and tells Orsino of Sebastian's treachery, but Orsino thinks Antonio is talking about Cesario. Toby mistakes Sebastian for Cesario who supposedly stole Olivia and forces Andrew to duel him, but the fight the next day is actually between Viola and Andrew, and Antonio manages to end the fight, still hoping to redeem Sebastian, not realizing Viola's identity. Orsino confronts Viola about the money but when Sebastian appears, everything becomes clear.

Orsino and Viola, and Toby and Maria both marry, and Malvolio swears revenge.

Funnily enough, Twelfth Night is not about the Twelfth Night of anything. It was written to be performed on the night of the 6th of January, the Twelfth Night of Christmas. This was a special date because it meant people could relax after Christmas.


	39. Chapter 39

A Midsummer Night's Dream In 500 Words

Duke Theseus of Athens and Queen Hippolyta of the Amazons are about to marry. Egeus tells them about his daughter Hermia, who loves Lysander but is promised to Demetrius. Not only that, but Hermia's best friend, Helena, is in love with Demetrius. Egeus envokes an ancient Athenian saying Hermia must marry Demetrius or be executed. Theseus, being merciful, gives Hermia another choice: either she marries Demetrius or becomes as nun of Artemis. Lysander and Hermia decide to elope, and tell Helena.

Peter Quince, Nick Bottom, Francis Flute, Robin Starveling, Tom Snout and Snug all plan to perform the play Pyramus and Thisbe for Theseus and Hippolyta on their wedding night. Snug is not very clever so is given a small part, but Bottom is so enthusiastic he asks to play four characters, one of whom he has invented.

Oberon and Titania, King and Queen of the Fairies, have been arguing about an Indian changeling given as Titania as a servant. She decides to stay in the forest until Theseus's wedding day, so Oberon decides to play a prank. He sends his servant Puck to get a flower called Love In Idleness, which makes anyone who gets it in their eyes fall in love with the first living thing they see. When Puck is gone, Oberon sees Demetrius and Helena arguing about Helena's love, Helena having told Demetrius of Hermia's plans so he moves onto her (Helena). Oberon feels sorry for Helena and tells Puck to take some of the flower and put it in the sleeping Demetrius's eyes so he falls in love with Helena.

Puck mistakes Lysander for Demetrius, and when Lysander wakes up, the first thing he sees is Helena, and he falls in love. Helena is scared and runs away with Lysander following, and Hermia assumes Demetrius killed him. Oberon observes this, and gets Puck to use the flower on Demetrius, with Puck getting it right this time. But Helena believes everyone is trying to drive her mad, and Hermia believes Helena has stolen Lysander. Oberon is even more upset and sends everyone to sleep, reversing the spell on Lysander but not Demetrius and making the whole ordeal seem like a dream.

Meanwhile, the actors have returned. Puck sees them and hates Bottom so much he turns Bottom into a donkey. Everyone else runs away in fear, and Bottom wakes up Titania. Titania has had the flower's juice put in her eyes and falls in love with Bottom instantly. Oberon is satisfied and reverses Puck's spells on Bottom and Titania.

Theseus and Hippolyta find the four lovers, and realizing who loves who allows him and her, Lysander and Hermia and Demetrius and Helena to marry. The wedding takes place and the actors' play is so bad that everyone thinks it's a comedy. The fairies bless everyone with good fortune and Puck tells us the play itself might have been a dream.


	40. Chapter 40

The Tempest In 500 Words

Somewhere in the Mediterranean, there is a small ship in a massive storm. On board are King Alonso of Naples, Alonso's son Ferdinand, Alonso's brother Sebastian, Duke Antonio of Milan, the nobleman Gonzalo and the group's jester and butler, Trinculo and Stephano, all returning to Italy from the marriage of Alonso's daughter Claribel and the King of Tunis. The storm is caused by the wizard Prospero, who lives on a nearby island. The storm ends and everyone is shipwrecked on the island. Prospero explains to his daughter that he was once Duke of Milan, but because he preferred reading to ruling, he asked his brother Antonio to take over for a bit. Antonio, along with King Alonso, overthrew Prospero and set him and Miranda adrift in a leaky boat. But Gonzalo secretly stocked it with supplies and magic books so they survived and arrived on the island. The island was once owned by the witch Sycorax but when she died was given to her son Caliban. Prospero overthrew Caliban and freed Sycorax's spirits, with one, Ariel, becoming Prospero's servant, enslaving Caliban and using Ariel to cause the storm.

Prospero's plan works perfectly. Ferdinand falls in love with Miranda, thinking everyone he knows is dead. She falls in love with him but Prospero doesn't want it to be too easy for Ferdinand so he pretends he thinks Ferdinand is a spy hoping to take over the Island and enslaves him. But, when Miranda and Ferdinand both prove their love Prospero frees him. Alonso, Antonio, Sebastian and Gonzalo land together and think Ferdinand is dead. Antonio proves his evilness by trying to convince Sebastian to overthrow Alonso. They very nearly manage it but Ariel realizes what they're planning to do and wakes up Gonzalo, who wakes up Alonso, and Sebastian pretends they were actually guarding the king from a strange monster they heard roar. But Caliban meets Trinculo and Stephano, assumes they're gods, they all get drunk and decide to overthrow Prospero, with Stephano becoming King of the Island and Caliban and Trinculo becoming noblemen. Ariel tricks Alonso's group by bringing them food and then pretending to be a harpy and promising to torture them for overthrowing Prospero. Alonso, Antonio and Sebastian are so confused they run off to kill the harpies and Gonzalo runs after them to stop them. Prospero gets a few goddesses to have a party with Ferdinand and Miranda, but remembers Caliban's plot and cancels the party. He gets Ariel to tempt Caliban's group with nice clothes and the scares them off with weird noises. Everyone comes together, and Prospero explains before forgiving everyone. Alonso is so happy Ferdinand's alive that he restores Prospero's dukedom, and both Caliban and Ariel are freed, with Caliban becoming King of the Island. The sailors survived the storm and everyone prepares to leave for Ferdinand and Miranda's wedding back in Naples.


	41. Chapter 41

All's Well That Ends Well In 500 Words

You'll understand the joke tomorrow.

In Rousillon, in Catalonia, Count Bertram says goodbye to his mother the Countess and the Countess's ward Helena. The Count has recently died, so Bertram is going to go and serve the King of France, who is very ill. Helena is very upset because she loves Bertram although he has never loved her, and to everyone else it looks like she is mourning her father's recent death. Parolles, a cowardly soldier, is very similar and Helena nearly tells him of her love before he leaves for Paris with Bertram and Lord Lafew. Helena swears to get Bertram's attention anyway, and the French King interrupts discussions about the Tuscany Wars to welcome Bertram warmly.

Lavatch, a jester, and the Countess discuss allowing Lavatch to marry a beautiful young lady. The Steward reveals to the Countess that he overheard Helena talking to herself about her love for Bertram, and the Countess feels sorry for her. She manages to get a confession from Helena, and suggest Helena become a doctor for the French King to be closer to Bertram. Meanwhile, as the French lords go off to war, the French King warns them of the Italians and Parolles and a few of his friends all try to convince Bertram to leave with them, despite the fact that Bertram has been considered too young to join the army. Bertram says that he'll go along because why not, but then he goes back on his promise to do so, explaining to Parolles that wants to stay with the king.

Although he knows her father was a brilliant doctor, the King does not believe Helena can cure his illness until she makes him a deal; if she tries and she can't she'll be executed, but if she can she can choose a husband. She cures him and she chooses Bertram as her husband. The King forces the two to marry, but Bertram hates her so much that he leaves for the war in Italy, saying that Helena will never truly be his wife until she both wears his ring and is also pregnant with his child.

Bertram is a great soldier and has quite a few affairs. Helena makes friends with Diana, Bertram's latest girlfriend. Bertram genuinely loves her but she's indifferent, and she and Helena arrange for Helena to take Diana's place in Bertram's bed, and Diana steals Bertram's ring for her.

Helena, satisfied she has fulfilled both of Bertram's criteria, returns home and tells the Countess of what has happened. The Countess is so ashamed she claims to have replaced Bertram with Helena. Helena fakes her death and a relieved Bertram returns home. He tries to marry a local lord's daughter, but Diana breaks up the wedding and Helena reveals everything. Bertram is so impressed by everything she has done, he swears his love for her.


	42. Chapter 42

Finally moved on from Shakespeare! In the Canterbury Tales, a group of travelers all taking a pilgrimage to Canterbury agree to tell each other stories, and whoever tells the best story wins a free meal in Canterbury.

The Knight's Tale In 500 Words

Just read Chapter 25 again. It's literally the exact same story.

The Miller's Tale In What's Left Of The 500 Words

In Oxford there lived an elderly carpenter called John and his young and beautiful wife Alisoun. John didn't make much money from being a carpenter so he rented out a room to a local scholar called Nicholas. Nicholas loved Alisoun, and Absolon the local parish clerk also had his eye on her.

One day when John was out Nicholas convinced Alisoun to have sex with him (Nicholas). And so began their affair. Not long after Alisoun went to church where Absolon saw her and fell in love instantly. He tried to woo her by standing outside her window singing songs in the full moon but Alisoun decided that two men is enough and rejected all his advances.

Nicholas really hoped to spend a whole night with Alisoun rather than just the moments they had when John was away. So he and Alisoun concocted a plan, whereby Nicholas stayed in his room for several days and when he emerged told John that God had spoken to him and declared that another flood like Noah's. The only way to save themselves would be to tie barrels with plenty of food inside to the ceiling and get in. When the flood had arrived they would cut the ropes and float away.

John was stupid enough to believe this and agreed, preparing the barrels and getting in, not realizing that Nicholas and Alisoun were getting into his bed together. John fell asleep almost instantly and Nicholas and Alisoun did a bit of kissing and canoodling and all that, but at that moment Absolon came to the window to sing for Alisoun. When he had done, he asked Alisoun for a kiss. She decided to play a prank on him and pretended to agree. But when he closed his eyes for the kiss, Alisoun stuck her bottom out of the window, and before Absolon realized what had happened he had kissed it.

When he realized what had happened, he got so angry that he went to the blacksmiths and got a red-hot branding iron. He pretended to ask Alisoun for another kiss but Nicholas stuck his bottom out this time and farted loudly in Absolon's face, at which point Absolon stuck the branding iron on Nicholas's bottom. Nicholas understandably was in absolute agony and started calling out for water. He woke up John who, hearing the word water, assumed the flood had come and cut himself down, crashing to the floor. The loud noise attracted everyone and when they heard Nicholas and Alisoun's story they al laughed and called John mad.


	43. Chapter 43

The Reeve's Tale In 500 Words

In Trumpington near Cambridge there is a miller called Symkin, who claims to be a master swordsman and steals wheat brought to him to grind for other people. His wife is the pompous and arrogant daughter of the town clergyman and the two have both a twenty-year-old daughter named Malyne and a six-month-old son who is never named.

When Symkin overcharges for grinding corn for Soler Hall, a college part of Cambridge University, the college steward is far too ill to see Symkin and pay. Two students there from the North-East, John and Aleyn, are so outraged at Symkin's theft that they vow to beat him at his own game. They deliver more than the usual amount of wheat to him and watch him, pretending to be interested in how he does it. He sees right through them and vows to take even more of their wheat than usual to prove clerks are not always very clever. He unties their horse and they cannot catch it until night, by which time he has stolen their wheat.

Returning to Symkin's house, they offer to pay for a night's rest there, at which point he challenges them to turn his bedroom into a grand house. After much rearranging, Symkin and his wife sleep together, John and Aleyn sleep together and Malyne sleeps on her own with the baby at the foot of Symkin's bed.

After a long night and a lot of wine, Symkin and his wife fall asleep but John and Aleyn lay awake plotting revenge. Aleyn has sex with the sleeping Malyne, and when the wife leaves bed to go to the toilet John moves the cradle to the end of his bed. The wife feels for the cradle to work out which bed is hers, and when she feels the cradle at the end of John's bed she assume it's hers and climbs in, at which point John has sex with her.

In the morning Aleyn says goodbye to Malyne who tells him to look behind the main door to find the bread she made with the flour Symkin stole from them. Aleyn is so amazed at what has happened that he goes to tells John, but sees the cradle at the end of Symkin's bed and, assuming it's his and John's he wakes up Symkin to tell him. Symkin is furious and wakes up his wife only to for her to hit him on the head accidentally, thinking he's one of the students. John and Aleyn run away with the bread and the horse, clearly not wanting to get involved in the family's affairs any more.

This story is really rather odd, because it mocks a miller, like the Miller who told the last story, whereas the Miller's tale mocked a carpenter, which was the Reeve's first job before he became a Reeve.


	44. Chapter 44

The Cook's Tale In 500 Words

This tale was never actually finished. It literally starts and ends with the Cook telling everyone he's going to tell a story to them about something that happened in the city he lived in.

The Man Of Law's Tale In What's Left Of The 500 Words

(Déjà vu at all?)

The Emperor Of Rome has a beautiful daughter called Constance. Syrian merchants trading with Rome see her and they tell the Sultan of Syria of Constance's great beauty. The Sultan decides to marry her. The Roman Emperor negotiates a deal with the Sultan whereby the Sultan can only marry Constance if he and all of his subjects convert to Christianity. Rather than, you know, the belief in Roman Gods.

The Sultan agrees, but his mother is so angry that he would abandon Islam that she kills her own son at the wedding party and sends Constance adrift in the sea. Luckily Constance is washed ashore in Northumberland, where her Christian faith is proved twice. First, her friend Hermengyld manages to heal a man of his blindness, and secondly an evil knight hoping to seduce her murders Hermengyld and attempts to frame Constance by using the bloody dagger. Because that's how people seduced women in those beautiful far-off days. Luckily, the knight somehow manages to frame himself and ends up randomly dieing.

When King Alla hears of the two miracles he is so impressed that he decides to convert from paganism to Christianity, even planning to marry her and having sex with her. But Alla's mother is so angry that he would abandon paganism (sound familiar?) that she intercepts and criminalises letters between Alla and his constable and uses them to banish Constance, at which point Constance's ship goes off course and she ends up having to land on the coast of Spain. Thelous, a man hoping to rape, her boards the ship whilst the damages are being repaired, but mysteriously falls off the ship. Thelous-y scum.

I'm so sorry, I just couldn't help it. It won't happen again. That time will be both the first and Thelous-t time I do it.

In Spain Constance meets a Roman Senator. He has just returned from Syria where's been avenging the Roman Christian's deaths by killing the Sultan's mother. The Senator takes Constance, who is now revealed to be pregnant with Alla's child, back to Rome where she works as a household servant rather than actually saying something about the whole "my dad's the emperor" thing. King Alla is so heartbroken at the loss of his future wife that he takes a pilgrimage to Rome, where he and Constance are joyously reunited. The two return to Northumberland together and when King Alla dies the next year the baby they have together becomes King of Northumberland, rather than someone deciding to make Constance queen. *sigh*. So many simple solutions.


	45. Chapter 45

The Wife Of Bath's Tale In 500 Words 

In the time of King Arthur there was a knight who raped a fair young maiden. In later retellings of the story it's actually Sir Garwain/Gwaine who owes King Arthur a favour. King Arthur issued a decree that the knight should be captured and sentenced to death, but Queen Guinevere intervened on the knight's behalf, convincing Arthur to let her pass judgement on him. She told him that he would be free if he could answer the question "what do women most desire?" after searching for the answer for a year and a day.

The knight travels all over the country to find the answer but no two ladies answered the same. Some said fine houses and clothes, some said a handsome husband, some said theatre or flattery, some said fame or freedom. When the time came for the knight to return to court, he still didn't know the answer to Queen Guinevere's question. Outside the castle in the woods, the knight sees twenty-four maidens dancing in a ring but when he approaches they all vanish, leaving only an old and ugly woman. She promises to tell him the answer to the riddle if he promises to grant any favour she asks, and he agrees. He enters the court and tells everyone that women most desire to have their own way and he is set free.

At that moment the old woman arrives and tells everyone what has happened, before publicly asking for his hand in marriage. He is aghast but sees no alternative and agrees. On their wedding night the lady is rather upset that he is repulsed by her, reminding him that her looks mean nobody else will love her so she will always be faithful. She asks him if he would rather have an ugly but faithful wife or a beautiful but unfaithful wife, and in later retellings she also asks him whether he would rather have her ugly at night.

The knight at first says he would rather have her ugly at night but the lady takes this as evidence he is repulsed by her. He then says he would rather have her ugly at day, but she takes this as evidence that he hates her so much he would happily have everyone see her as ugly, to which he tells her that if he is unable to decide on an answer to either question without upsetting her then he is unable to answer and it is in both cases entirely her own choice, an answer which makes her very pleased. She has now got her own way and now she has power over him she asks him to kiss her, promising him both beauty and fidelity. He closes his eyes and does so, and when he opens them he sees that his wife has transformed into a beautiful young lady, and the two spend the rest of their lives together.


	46. Chapter 46

The Friar's Tale In 500 Words

A summoner, someone whose job it is to summon people to court, is on his way to cheat a widow out of her money when he meets a yeoman who is down on his luck due to an unfortunate gambling addiction he got after his wife died. The two swear loyalty to each other and both tell each other of their sins. The yeoman then decides it's time for a plot twist and reveals that he's actually a demon. The summoner is actually completely nonplussed,asking what Hell's like and what forms demons take. During their travels the two find a carter whose horses have become stuck, and the carter says that the devil may take them. When the Summoner asks why the demon isn't taking them, he replies that because the carter doesn't actually want the devil to take the horses he cannot take them. They find the house of a widow and the Summoner, determined to do better than the demon, forges a summons to court so that she pays to make him dismiss the case. He asks her for a frying pan, pretending she owes him after he paid a fine to get her off on a charge of adultery. The woman is so enraged that she damns him to hell unless he repents. This time it is her intent to send him to hell, and when the Demon discovers that he has no intention of repenting he takes the Summoner's body and soul to hell, along with the frying pan.

The Summoner's Tales In What's Left Of The 500 Words

A friar went to preach in Yorkshire and asked for donations first for the Church then for himself. He did this until he discovered Thomas, a resident, was ill. He boasted about his sermons and asked Thomas's wife for a meal. She told the Friar that her child had died and he claimed that all the local friars had seen the child go to heaven. Thomas refused to pay the Friar any more and the Friar told him off, telling him stories...

\- Of a king who assumed a knight had killed his partner, but ended up executing three knights, one for accepting the sentence, one for causing it and one for not carrying it out.

\- King Cambises was drunk and when a knight told him that drunk people have no coordination, Cambises shot the knight's son to prove the knight wrong.

\- King Cyrus destroyed the Gyndes River because his horse drowned in it.

The Friar ended the sermon and asked for a donation, so Thomas offered to give him the donation he was sitting on only if it was shared out between the friars. the Friar promised and at that moment Thomas farted loudly at the Friar. The Friar was chased out by the servants and divided the fart by farting whilst all twelve other friars were all around.


	47. Chapter 47

The Clerk's Tale In 500 Words

Marquis Walter of Saluzzo in North-West Italy has been asked by his subjects to marry and provide an heir. He agrees, deciding to marry the peasant Griselda. Griselda has suffered from poverty and hard work her entire life and promises to be faithful to Walter and obey his wishes.

Griselda has a daughter and Walter decides to test her loyalty. He sends an officer and pretends it must be killed, secretly having it taken away to Bologna. Griselda keeps her promise and does not protest, only asking that her baby has a dignified burial. Walter does the exact same a few years later when Griselda has another son.

Finally Walter devises one last test. He has a document forged which declares his marriage null and void, and pretends to leave Griselda in order to remarry. Furthermore, he asks her to help organizing his upcoming wedding. She does so and the children are brought from Bologna, with the daughter pretending to be Walter's new wife. Walter explains to everyone that everything was just a test of Griselda's loyalty and everyone lives happily ever after.

The Merchant's Tale In What's Left Of The 500 Words

Januarie decides to marry so he can have children and sex, and consults his nonplussed friend Placebo and his discouraging one Justinus. He eventually marries the very young May, but his squire Damyan falls in love and they plan to have sex.

Januarie creates a beautiful walled garden for her so they can spend time together, but he goes blind. This has the side-effect of giving him to ability to create beautiful love poetry, causing his love to extend beyond lust. The two go together into the garden but Damyan sneaks in using a key he and May made together and he hides in a pear tree.

May pretends she is pregnant and wants a pear, but when Januarie cannot reach she encourages him to stoop so she can stand on his back and get it. She climbs into the tree and Damyan and May have such vigorous sex that the Narrator actually apologises.

The gods Pluto and Prosperina are watching, and Pluto is so outraged he plans to give Januarie his sight back, and gets Prosperina to give May and all women after the ability to talk themselves out of it. This is meant to symbolize the eternal struggle between men and women, as Pluto himself kidnapped Prosperina from her mother Ceres and forced her (Prosperina) to marry him.

Januarie gets his sight back just in time to see Damyan and May having sex, but May pretends his eyes are deceiving him due to the fact he only just regained sight and tells him she was struggling with Damyan to give Januarie his sight back. Januarie and May live happily ever after, with May telling him that his eyes may deceive him again so she can have more affairs. Damyan is completely forgotten.


	48. Chapter 48

The Squire's Tale In 500 Words

Genghis Khan rules the enormous Mongol Empire with two sons, named Algarsyf and Cambalo, and a daughter named Canace. At the twentieth anniversary of his reign he holds a feast at which a strange and mysterious knight from India appears. The Knight gives Genghis gifts: a teleporting brass horse, a mind-reading mirror, a ring which gives the wearer the power to understand the speech of birds which some say once belonged to King Solomon, and a sword which gives fatal wounds and is the only thing that can heal the wounds it makes. The two talk about the gifts for a while.

Genghis gives Canace the ring and one day when she goes out for a walk early in the morning she finds a grieving falcon, whose lover has abandoned her for a kite, which were seen as inferior at the time. Canace heals the falcon and builds it a house painted blue on the inside to show the falcon's faith and green on the outside with pictures of deceitful birds such as the oh-so-horrible bluetit to show the lover's falseness.

The Squire promises to tell everyone more about the two brothers in the second part, including Cambalo's quest to win Canace's hand in marriage, conveniently forgetting that that's what we call incest. But luckily for us he never gets to finish his story because just then The Franklin compliments the story and begins telling his own.

The Franklin's Tale In What's Left Of The 500 Words

(This is becoming a habit now.)

A couple, Arveragus and Dorigen, decide that they should both be as important as each other, although to avoid suspicion they publicly pretend Arveragus makes the decisions. Arveragus goes to Britain to seek fame and fortune, leaving Dorigen in Penmarc'h in Brittany. She is worried sick about him and she misses him dreadfully, worried that his ship will sink on the way home due to the enormous rocks that were off the coast of Brittany at the time.

Dorigen is courted against her will by Aurelius, and she gets so fed up that she says she'll only love him if he removes all the rocks of the coast of Penmarc'h. He eventually gets a magician to remove the rocks. The magician is actually a bit of a hopeless romantic at heart and feels sorry for Aurelius but still demands one thousand pounds to make the rocks disappear for two weeks by using some magical trick that involves controlling the tides.

Arveragus returns but Aurelius has fulfilled the worry about what to do and Dorigen is close to committing suicide to keep her honour when she decides to fulfill her promise. Aurelius however, sees the couples's love and won't let Dorigen marry. The magician turns out to be an ever bigger hopeless romantic than we thought and he is so moved he cancels Aurelius's debt.


	49. Chapter 49

The Physician's Tale In 500 Words

Virginius is a noble knight and his fourteen-year-old daughter Virginia is beautiful and virtuous. Virginia goes into town with her mother one day, where she is seen by the judge Appius who falls in love immediately.

He pays Claudius, a brave and cunning peasant, to help, and not long later Claudius appears in court before Appius claiming Virginius is a kidnapper. Virginius is brought before court and is accused of kidnapping one of Claudius's old servants and raising her as Virginia. Appius refuses to listen to Virginius's defense demanding Virginia is given to Claudius.

Viriginius returns home and tells his daughter what has happened, offering the choice of shame at Claudius's hands or death at her father's, agreeing to the latter. Virginius beheaded her and brought her head back to court where he was sentenced to hanging before a thousand people burst in defending Virginius and explaining Appius's intentions. Appius is imprisoned before he commits suicide and Virginius saves Claudius from hanging, asking for the peasant to be exiled instead.

The Pardoner's Tale In What's Left Of The 500 Words

In Flanders there are three men in a tavern gambling, blaspheming and drinking far too much. They hear a bell outside announcing their friend's funeral and swear to kill Death and avenge anyone who's ever died. An old man they ask says that he wants Death to take him but he has not, but after a while tells them that Death can be found at the base of a nearby oak tree, where the three men find a sack of gold coins and immediately forget their quest. In the morning they draw straws to see who gets wine to celebrate and the youngest loses. Whilst he is away the others plot to kill him to get his share. He returns and they kill him, but when the drink the wine they realize he poisoned it to kill them and get their shares, and so all three men find Death.

The Shipman's Tale In What's Left Of The 500 Words

(This is seriously getting annoying now. And I was the one that came up with it.)

A merchant has a wife who spends too much on parties. A young monk who is friends with the merchant comes to stay, and the wife confesses to the monk that she does not love her husband, before asking him for one hundred franks to pay off all her debts. The monk agrees to do so, actually borrowing the money from the merchant. A few days later the monk tells the merchant that he has paid back the loan to the wife before leaving town. When the merchant asks, his wife says that she spent the money becuase she thought he was paying her to stay in their house. She refuses to pay back the money, opting instead to pay her husband back in bed.


	50. Chapter 50

Reached 25000 words!

The Prioress's Tale In 500 Words

Someone envokes the spirit of the Virgin Mary, and then we hear about a Jewish community in a Christian city in Asia. Elsewhere in this city, there is a seven-year-old boy who has been brought up as a Christian and revering Mary. He teaches himself to sing the first verse of the popular medieval hymn 'Alma Redemptoris Mater', which is Latin for Nurturing Mother Of The Redeemer. He is told by an older classmate that the hymn is about Mary and he is so happy about this that he sings it every day as he walks through town past the Jewish community.

Satan encourages the Jews to kill the boy and they do so, throwing his body on the dung heap. He is eventually found by his mother, at which point the body begins to sing the hymn. The Christians of the city force the ruler to arrest the Jews and hang draw and quarter them. All throughout the boy's corpse continues singing until he says that although his throat is cut he cannot stop singing until the grain Mary put on his tongue is removed. The abbot removes the grain, the boy dies.

Can I just point out that the boy at one point calls Mary 'Jesu Crist's mooder deere'?

The Tale Of Sir Thopas In What's Left Of The 500 Words

This story is told by Chaucer himself, and is meant to mock heroism.

Sir Thopas was born in Flanders and is a very skilled knight and hunter. He is in love with the beautiful Elfin Queen but is waylaid by the evil Sir Olifaunt (Elephant?). He runs back to his band of merry men, and yes you did just read that, where he has a feast of sweets and prepares to fight Sir Olifaunt. That's it. The Host gets so fed up with Chaucer mocking conventional hero stories that he interrupts and insists on Chaucer telling another story.

The Tale Of Melibee In What's Left Of The 500 Words

Chaucer gets revenge on the Host by literally spending hours translating the Livre de Melibée Et De Dame Prudence by Renaud de Louens.

The Monk's Tale In What's Left Of The 500 Words

We hear tragic stories about: Lucifer, Adam, Samson, Hercules, Nebuchadnezzar, Belshazzar, Zenobia, Pedro of Castile, Peter I of Cyprus, Bernabo Visconti, Ugliano of Pisa, Nero, Holofernes, Antiochus, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar and Croesus.

The Nun's Priest's Tale In I Don't Care Any More

It's a special five-in-one offer!

A widow lived in a cottage with two kids, three pigs, three cows, a sheep, the cockerel Chanticleer, and seven hens. Chanticleer has a nightmare about being kidnapped by a fox by the hen Perlote encourages him to ignore. A fox encourages him to sing and kidnaps him, everyone gives chase and Chanticleer escapes when he encourages the Fox to boast.


	51. Chapter 51

Swimsuit. Book. Pyjamas. In they go. Suitcase is packed, car is ready, plane is arriving, hotel is booked.

He was happy, of course. How could he not be happy? They hadn't had a holiday abroad for ages. And Crete wasn't to be sniffed at. There'd be days by the pool, yes, but also those walks along the coast and ancient ruins and massive caves. Someone had said something about a lake with wild turtles, and he'd been wanting to see those for years. Fate was handing him the perfect getaway. So why was he so despondent?

Perhaps it was his sister Molly. She wouldn't stay with them forever, and he knew that, but he would miss her. One last family holiday meant one last family holiday. Soon she'd be wanting to go to university and getting a big important job in an office somewhere in Canada and raising a family and before you knew it she'd be a forty-eight year old bank manager happily married for twenty-three years with three kids going to clarinet lessons every Thursday.

Perhaps it was his brother Tim. He knew he shouldn't be worrying about him but it was only his third time on a plane. The rest of them had all had at least half a dozen flights behind them but Tim might not be ready. And what if people stared? What would he scream at them for mocking Tim? So what if Tim was disabled? The two brothers were best friends and neither would stand for it.

Perhaps it was nothing a complex or worrying as that. Maybe they lost their passports? Maybe the hotel had had a fire? Maybe they'd filled out the paperwork wrong? Or maybe it was the fanfiction. He'd been working on it for weeks and so far he couldn't think of a day he'd failed to upload a chapter. He'd worked hard on it and it had payed off. It had its faults, of course, he knew he wasn't perfect, but it was good. He hoped people found it funny and useful and interesting. For all he knew they didn't. For all he knew they thought it was boring and useless and cringy. But he could only hope. He didn't think there was a day where he didn't thank God for every single one of the visitors that had chosen to spend their time on his story. All twenty-three had spent their time on him and he knew he was lucky to have every single one. It wasn't like he expected much. Just two views a month would have been a victory. But twenty-three? It was more than he could ever have hoped for.

So he told himself that they would get more stories, and one day there'd be five hundred. And they'd all be as funny and useful and interesting as the last.


End file.
